Her Injured Heart, to Anna

Sweet Anna,

I wish I could tell you how precious you are to me and the rest of the family.  I wish I could instantly help you to love yourself.  Because you deserve LOVE!!  I don't know that you've ever felt what unconditional love is, but you will feel that when you join our family.

The other day you were very upset about "lying and stealing."  You said things like, "I'm horrible!  I'm horrible!  I don't deserve love by anyone because I'm so horrible."

Oh baby girl, no.  You deserve ALL the love!  Jesus loves us no matter what we do, right?  No matter what!  Well, that's how we love you as well.  You will make mistakes, like we all do.  But you will also grow and learn that certain mistakes just don't benefit you.  Also, what has been labeled as "stealing" in your home (taking foods and such) is just a symptom of your heart that is hurting.  I believe that you will conquer those food issues!  And if not, we will still love you.  Always, sweet girl.  Always.

Update 4-12-2021

 Well, things are moving right along!  We are on the last piece of our homestudy before the homestudy interview.  About 10 more things to gather but it's nothing we haven't done before.  What complicates it is that we are trying so hard to prepare the house for arrival day!  We are getting new flooring throughout the house and doing other updates as well.  We are also refinancing our house to have more available income to care for our family each month (and because interest rates are low!).  It's A LOT.  But will be worth it.

A is for...Adoption. And the number is FIVE!

 It's been six years since I published on this blog.  Six, eventful, happy, stressful, scary, and blessed years.  My oldest is 20 and on her own.  My second oldest is graduating in May and hopes to move out this summer.  My "babies" K and B are 15 and 13 (and a half)!  Eric and I were planning to coast on to empty nester status.  But it seems that the Lord isn't through with us yet.

There is this child.  A child that I have loved from the time I first met her, but a child that wasn't initially sent to our family.  Eric has said "Four and no more." for years.  And yet, God has opened his heart in a miraculous way, for this child.  And we feel privileged to have the opportunity to love her and (hopefully) allow her to heal.

A is 8 years old.  And we hope she will be joining us by the end of May.  She is bubbly, and smiley, and seems to be a perfectionist.  She loves the best way she knows to love, and seeks love in return.  And she's always wanted a family where she would have an older sister that was from Ghana.  Wow.  We have one of those. =-)  

We met A for the first time (since very early childhood) last night, via Zoom.  It was a precious time; hearing her voice and enjoying those dimples!  She was very studious, with questions pre-written that she wanted to ask our family.  She doesn't know yet that we are her future, but I'm told that she asked if she could live with us forever.  She came home from school with a picture she had drawn for "Mrs. anTta."  Be still my heart!!

Miss A, creating.

My first picture.

Be still my heart. 💓

We don't know exactly how everything will play out, but we are moving full steam ahead.  Her currant family is excited and feels like the match will be wonderful for her.  I pray so.  But let it be known--our acceptance of her isn't conditional of her acceptance of us.  As long as she finds "home" with us, we will count ourselves blessed.

So!  Here's to #5!  And family.  And redemption.

May 7th is...

World AIDS Day.

April 7th is....

Also the day that Kendi Mabel is schedule to become a Gillispie!!! Court is scheduled for Thursday at 11am!!!!!!!!!!! Please pray with me that the court date holds and I legally become mommy to four in 2 days!!!!!!!

A
P.S. We expect to get a 2 year interim adoption. More on that later.

Delusional!!!

First, thank you all for the so kind comments on "Survivor's Guilt." I feel a bit less guilty now. =-)

Secondly, I am delusional! URGH! The phone rang at 4:00 this morning. I jumped out of bed because it's always someone calling from Ghana at that time of morning, and my staff pretty much never calls that early unless it is an emergency. It was Muna. Muna is on leave because she's getting married on Saturday. Was NOT planning to hear from Muna.

She leaves a happy-sounding message asking me to call her when I am free. But it's 4am? Muna never calls at that time unless it's something big. I start calling. And calling. And calling. "The number you have dialed is incorrect. Please check the number and try again." 30 minutes straight I get this stupid message. I get it for EVERY cell phone number I try to call in Ghana (tried a few other people when I couldn't reach Muna).

Finally at 4:45 I laid back down to try to get to sleep again. But in the back of my mind I wonder....did we go to court today? Could Muna have taken time out of her leave to go to court with Kendi Mabel? No, couldn't be. But could it? Round and round I go like this in my mind for the next two hours. No more sleep came.

I tried and tried calling until I FINALLY got a hold of Muna at 9:45 this morning. Was it about court? Nope. Was it about something wrong at Eban House? Nope. Was it ANYTHING to do with Ghana adoptions? Nope.

Muna just wanted my opinion on when the bubbles should be blown at her wedding!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL! ROFL (at myself)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Good grief! She was calling me about bubbles! I lost sleep over bubbles! I got my hopes up over a phone call about bubbles!

Oh well. At least I can still smile at myself at this point.
A

Survivor's Guilt

I've never experienced "survivor's guilt" before--until this week. First we got Kendi's passport when so many others are going through excruciating waits.

Today, I had to tell my families that there would be a delay for court. Ghana says 2-3 weeks, but I know that could be 2-3 months. But our dossier? Our case? It was handed in yesterday just before everything went haywire. Social Welfare even told my staff that Kendi's adoption (and one other case at AAI) will be the last to go through from our agency.

For us, for Kendi, I'm so relieved. I feel SO INCREDIBLY blessed that we have somehow avoided TWO huge pitfalls in Ghana adoption in less than a week. I keep wanting to ask God..."What did I do to deserve this? Why is our adoption 'surviving'?"

It kind of sucks that I don't feel like I can shout my personal happiness from the rooftops. There are just too many people hurting right now for me to do that. It would feel like flaunting.

I feel so humbled. I don't know why things keep working out so perfectly four our adoption of Kendi. Maybe it is going to be one of those adoptions where everything goes perfectly until you hit a huge stumbling block. Or maybe it will be one of those miracle adoptions where everything actually goes right. I don't know. I just know that I'm trying to prepare my heart for both outcomes, and preparing to give God the glory.

Passport/Adoption Thoughts

I realize I posted with wildly abandoned happiness when I got news yesterday that Mabel's passport was in. I hope that didn't cause anybody to feel bad. I know some of you waited (or are waiting) long months for passports.

It is very conflicting to have such a super huge blessing when the passport is a hangup for so many other families. I haven't posted the news to my other blog yet because I'm afraid of making people feel bad. And honestly, I'm afraid that someone might get mad.

Having Kendi's passport means that she probably won't get caught up in the new requirements for TB testing that are going into effect "sometime this summer." That is HUGE to me. After I file our I-600 we can do the visa medical, and that will be that (hopefully).

Ironically, before I got news of Kendi's passport, I was planning to do a blog post about how me being the adoption coordinator really doesn't give me much extra privilege. My staff in Ghana is too funny. I keep asking when I'm going to go to court. Could it be before May 1st, "please?!?!?" Muna just laughs at me like she's saying, "You may be the coordinator but this is still Ghana!" And I know she's right. The staff has given NO indication that they are doing anything out of the ordinary for me, even when I ask!

I gave a lot of thought to things over the weekend. Trying to control the process adds so much stress. I know that, but I still try to do it every time. I felt really convicted over the weekend and decided I really needed to let things go. Everything is going to be okay. She's going to come home. Relax Anita! And you know what? The Lord helped me find peace. Of course then two days later I found out about the passport, so I haven't really had to put my new found contentment to practice yet.

I don't know if it's possible to go through a Ghana adoption without some sort of torturous delay. Well...maybe I've seen it happen a few times. Of course I hope that I'm in that tiny minority that somehow dodges all delays. And things so far have gone SO WELL. I just want to resolve in myself to be content with whatever the Lord has in store. I hope He doesn't have some big delay planned, but there are still lots of steps to get hung up on.

If I'm being practical, it doesn't seem that I will have our adoption decree in time to file my I-600 when I go to Ghana next month. But He can work it out if it's meant to be.

After everything is in for our I-600a (fingerprints), and if we are ONLY waiting on that in order to move forward with a visa, I will certainly contact my USCIS office and/or elected officials to see if we can speed up the I-600a approval process. But I'm resolved not to go crazy over it (like I was thinking a few weeks ago). God's got it under control without my worrying.

Sorry for the rambling post..

PASSPORT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just got word from Ghana!!!! Kendi Mabel's passport is in!!!!!!!! And better yet, there were NO mistakes!!!! Haven't seen it yet, but that is the word!

Thank you, special guardian angel, that helped this happen!!!!

TO GOD BE THE GLORY!!!!!

Anita

Resetting my heart

Well...okay. I'm trying to refocus my expectations for this adoption. I wrote to McLane today and asked her if there was any way to expedite our I-600a in our current situation. [McLane Layton used to be a huge advocate for we OK families, and now she is a huge advocate for all adoptive families. We Okies don't have her to ourselves anymore!] McLane said nope. Nothing we can do unless we are having a longer than normal timeline--which we aren't. I'll still contact our elected official to see if they can do anything (I'm shameless) but I'm sure McLane is right. She's pretty much always right!

My friend Linda (here in OK) says that her fingerprint appointments were scheduled way out too, but she got her approval within 60 days of application. Linda, from your mouth to God's ears on your June 8th prediction!!! We're just at 60 days from application now. But I'd be interested to hear how long it was for you from fingerprinting to approval.

It is in the Lord's hands. No more controlling when it comes to the I-600a. So this is when I let go and watch to see how the Lord works it out!

In the meantime, I am going to reset my expectations. I've got to start being realistic and start thinking about Kendi coming home in September (after 2 months sputum testing) rather than July. I'll get to love on that baby for her whole long life. We can wait a few extra months to hold her in real life!

Anita
P.S. Eric did something sweet tonight, without meaning to. He suggested we start doing Kendi's room this weekend. We got the bed today (I love Craig's list and $10 items), and we have some of her bedding. The boys are going to start sharing a room and Kendi will take Bright's room. Anyway, I want to wait until we pass court to do her room, but it meant a lot to me that Eric is emotionally ready to make her space in our home.

Back on Solid Ground

Thanks for the notes of support yesterday. I am such an emotional person so bad news always feel like the WORST news possible on the day that I get the bad news. I should not have really used words like "devastated" in yesterday's post. I should save "devastated" for news that would put Kendi's life in jeopardy, or keep her from coming home at all. In the world of international adoption 2 months longer is not the worst thing that can happen. And we're blessed because at least there is a chance that we can get her home before the new TB stuff goes into effect. Ethiopia families don't even have that chance.

We went grocery shopping today. It's funny how sometimes what we consider such an every day thing comes across as SUCH a blessing. I mean, seriously! I got to fill my cart with all kinds of vitamin enriched foods. They were having super sales so I stocked up on some of our standards. My pantry is FULL. What percentage of people in the world can say that? We are blessed.

To top it all off, I learned today that I'll soon be adding 2 newborns to the house during the day. Rider (my cousin's baby) will be joining me long-term during the day, starting in June (due May 6). Baby Boy #2 will be joining us for 2-3 months, starting in August (due end of June). It will add up to about $1000 a month in extra (straight to debt!) income while I'm caring for both babies. AND, while baby boy #2 is here his dad will be giving Eric a ride to (and possibly from) work!!!! [I have to drive him to and from usually.]

This extra income won't really come into play with our adoption fees (because hopefully Kendi will be home!!!), but it just feels like the Lord's encouragement that the financial end of the adoption is going to be okay. It's like He's saying, "Here my child. Be encouraged. Have faith." The extra income certainly will be a blessing as we adjust the budget to add a fourth child and continue to pay off our debt.

Finally, I got word today that I definitely will be escorting the two children home from Ghana! I'm getting very excited, not just to see Kendi but also to have the privilege of being there to introduce this family to their children. I mean, really! It will be so worth the jet lag just to be there for that! Even if it doesn't work out to file our I-600 while I'm there, it's a wonderful opportunity.

Anita

What goes up...

Must come down. I hate that I am such a pessimist. I was fighting this morning, when I posted such GOOD news, the thought that something bad was going to happen. And it did. Or at least, bad news came across the wires that have the potential to be very bad for our adoption of Mabel.

AAI found out today that all HIV+ kids are going to have to start having sputum TB tests done at the time of their visa medical. These tests can take TWO MONTHS to get results on. And if they are positive, the child will have to stay in country for six more months doing treatment for TB. Our poor Ethiopia families...this is going into effect immediately for them. For Ghana, it will go into effect "sometime this summer."

Kendi is most likely going to be right on that line where she barely makes it, or barely doesn't make it, before these new requirements go into effect. If I knew she wasn't going to make it, I would be devastated. But I could try to settle into the wait. If I knew she was going to make it (of course!) that would be just dandy and I could relax! As it is, the "not going to know until the last minute" scenario is driving me batty.

This chink in the armor just adds so much stress. It is so hard for me to find that combination of "Let Go. Let God" and "I've got to do something to control this!" I don't want to not let God work, but I also believe He wants us to be TOOLS in His helping! I can't expect to get grants if I don't apply for them. I can't expect for USCIS to just decide to expedite our I-600a if I don't advocate for that. Right?

I'm struggling because my flawed earthly self wants to start now calling in all the stops to get our I-600a approval. Because *I* want to be in control. At the same time, is it the wrong thing to do??? Is what *I* want out of sync with what God would want?

Anyway...prayers are so much appreciated. I know the Lord is in control and I know she will come home. So far everything has gone very well in this adoption. Even if it doesn't continue to go well, I know that in the end He will have the glory. I believe for our "happily ever after."

Oh! My! Goodness!!!!

I could REALLY be in Ghana next month! I wrote to DHS in Ghana last week to see if they would let me submit our I-600 even if I don't have I-600a approval yet (knowing they can't approve until I have my I-600a). I honestly didn't know if I would hear back from them. But this morning they wrote back and said YES!!! I can go to Ghana and file our I-600 even if the I-600a isn't approved yet!!!!!!!

I don't know if it is because of Kendi's special needs, or because they know me, or if they would allow any family to do that. ??? But I'm so thankful!!!

At this point it's looking more and more like I will get to see my baby next month, while traveling to escort two other kiddos home. I guess this is the part where my position with AAI definitely benefits me. And honestly, I am going to write to Muna and Joha and ask them to really push getting the adoption finalized so that we have the adoption decree when I get there. Otherwise, I won't be able to file the I-600. I will NOT delay these kids coming home just so I can do our I-600. I couldn't live with myself for doing that. So the timing will have to work out on my end.

Please pray with me that our adoption can be completed very quickly in Ghana (dossier arrives tomorrow). And please pray with me that the finances work out! I won't have to worry about travel expenses, but we still owe AAI $2500 of our Ghana fee and that is due before I leave!

I am filling out grant apps like a crazy woman, but all of them seem to take quite a while to be funded. No wonder I hear about grants being funded AFTER the child is home (a lot)! I keep going through all of our relatives in my head, wondering who might have the money to make a $5500 loan to us until the Adoption Tax Credit comes in. But alas...no relatives come to mind. Oh well. God has a plan and HE will be glorified in how it works out!

Could I be in Ghana next month?

Maybe! So here's the deal... A family that has been waiting for a passport got that passport today. That means we can start visa processing. But their I-600 approval hasn't made it to Ghana yet, so that will delay visa processing. They are having their kids escorted. Guess who could be the escort? Me!

BUT...best I can figure it, the kids are going to need an escort around mid-May. IF everything went perfectly, we could have Kendi's adoption decree in mid-May. That means she'd have to go to court by end of this month, and we'd have to put a "rush" on getting the paper adoption decree.

If we had her adoption decree by mid-May we would have everything required to file the I-600. Oh...except for that pesky I-600a approval. So the question is, can you file the I-600 before you have I-600a approval? Will DHS in Ghana let me do that, with the understanding that they can't approve it until the I-600a stuff is to them (already sent an email)?

It would just be too good to be true. I could go over there doing AAI business (escorting children home) but take a day to file our I-600. Then travel back when everything is done.

There are just so many unknowns though. Will we get the adoption decree in time? Will they let me file?

And what if I can't do the I-600? Do I want to go to Ghana to escort the kids home and see Mabel for a few days? Or is that adding insult to injury (having to leave her again and not getting anything done for the adoption)? It's not exactly easy for me to negotiate what goes on with my family here while I'm in Ghana. And honestly, it doesn't sound exactly FUN to get 2 and 4 year olds through the airports and the long plane rides home!

Prayers are appreciated for this!!!!! I am very conflicted!!!!

Anita

Quick Kendi Funny

From a mom currently at Eban House...

"Yes, the babies are very tiny and cute! Mabel is having a hard time with that though, because she is not longer the baby of the home. You should've seen how indignant she was to see someone else in the arms of any of the aunties. If only she knew she WILL be the baby of HER family! :)"

I can just see Mabel's face as she learns that she is no longer the baby of Eban House. Like, "What? I am supposed to be in your arms, not THAT thing!" Oh, she is SUCH the spoiled princess. It will be good for her to get over that a bit, as Bright and she are going to have quite the tug of war going on when she gets home and they both get used to sharing mommy!

Two more biggies off the list!!

Well, the adoption is literally out of my hands now! Our dossier was sent off today and should be in Ghana this time next week. Our last dossiers to go over went to court about 3 weeks later, so I am hoping for a late April/early May court date for Kendi!

Our homestudy made it to USCIS today. Hopefully they will respond quickly with fingerprint appointments so we can officially start that wait. They say 60 days from the time the application packet is complete, but I'll get our elected official involved to ask for expediting if we get an adoption decree before we have approval. They've been good about that stuff in the past.

They are supposed to apply for Kendi's passport next week. Praying bigtime about that one! If all things go well (USCIS, court, passport) I could be up for a trip to Ghana in a few months! Crazy! The financial side is starting to worry me a bit more, because we still need $5500 to finance the adoption and it seems like most grants take several months to be considered and/or awarded. But faith! Gotta have faith!

Anita