I've never experienced "survivor's guilt" before--until this week. First we got Kendi's passport when so many others are going through excruciating waits.
Today, I had to tell my families that there would be a delay for court. Ghana says 2-3 weeks, but I know that could be 2-3 months. But our dossier? Our case? It was handed in yesterday just before everything went haywire. Social Welfare even told my staff that Kendi's adoption (and one other case at AAI) will be the last to go through from our agency.
For us, for Kendi, I'm so relieved. I feel SO INCREDIBLY blessed that we have somehow avoided TWO huge pitfalls in Ghana adoption in less than a week. I keep wanting to ask God..."What did I do to deserve this? Why is our adoption 'surviving'?"
It kind of sucks that I don't feel like I can shout my personal happiness from the rooftops. There are just too many people hurting right now for me to do that. It would feel like flaunting.
I feel so humbled. I don't know why things keep working out so perfectly four our adoption of Kendi. Maybe it is going to be one of those adoptions where everything goes perfectly until you hit a huge stumbling block. Or maybe it will be one of those miracle adoptions where everything actually goes right. I don't know. I just know that I'm trying to prepare my heart for both outcomes, and preparing to give God the glory.
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Wow Anita, that is pretty amazing. When I read your post, I most certainly thought Kendi would be impacted. I am SO happy for your family that she won't be delayed by this setback!!!
ReplyDeleteAnd you know what, IF it manages to happen that EVERYTHING goes perfectly for this adoption, and I pray it will, you are very deserving of it. This is your fourth adoption and you have had your share of complications. Just think back to Bright's adoption and all you went through with just that one adoption Anita... When God blesses you, I think you should accept it without guilt. You are grateful. You are loving. You are giving the glory to God.
I am so happy for you and for Kendi and while I understand being reserved in sharing your news when so many others have another wait heading their way, I am celebrating with you my friend. I hope your journey is smooooooooooth as silk!
Love ya,
Fabu
I am so happy for you! I have totally been in the same situation as you are now. With our adoption everything went pretty perfect and fast! But, throughout the whole process there were so many times that I felt guilty about that. I was so thankful for everything He was doing but felt SO bad for the people that were "stuck" while we flew by them. But, I think God truly understands our emotions although we may not. I guess we just have to pray for help with our emotions!=) I don't know! It's a hard place to be girl, I feel you and will be praying for you!
ReplyDeleteI am so excited for your adoption status Anita! I understand your guilt, but you didn't do anything, and could not do anything to affect your status or anyone else's either.................those decisions were made above your head. ("very Far") but I love your compassionate heart ! Its one of those things that I really love about you!
ReplyDeletefinally getting caught up... I am so happy for you and YEAH!!! I want you to be able to celebrate and shout from the rooftops- this is great news!!
ReplyDeleteLove and continued prayers!
S