May 7th is...

World AIDS Day.

April 7th is....

Also the day that Kendi Mabel is schedule to become a Gillispie!!! Court is scheduled for Thursday at 11am!!!!!!!!!!! Please pray with me that the court date holds and I legally become mommy to four in 2 days!!!!!!!

A
P.S. We expect to get a 2 year interim adoption. More on that later.

Delusional!!!

First, thank you all for the so kind comments on "Survivor's Guilt." I feel a bit less guilty now. =-)

Secondly, I am delusional! URGH! The phone rang at 4:00 this morning. I jumped out of bed because it's always someone calling from Ghana at that time of morning, and my staff pretty much never calls that early unless it is an emergency. It was Muna. Muna is on leave because she's getting married on Saturday. Was NOT planning to hear from Muna.

She leaves a happy-sounding message asking me to call her when I am free. But it's 4am? Muna never calls at that time unless it's something big. I start calling. And calling. And calling. "The number you have dialed is incorrect. Please check the number and try again." 30 minutes straight I get this stupid message. I get it for EVERY cell phone number I try to call in Ghana (tried a few other people when I couldn't reach Muna).

Finally at 4:45 I laid back down to try to get to sleep again. But in the back of my mind I wonder....did we go to court today? Could Muna have taken time out of her leave to go to court with Kendi Mabel? No, couldn't be. But could it? Round and round I go like this in my mind for the next two hours. No more sleep came.

I tried and tried calling until I FINALLY got a hold of Muna at 9:45 this morning. Was it about court? Nope. Was it about something wrong at Eban House? Nope. Was it ANYTHING to do with Ghana adoptions? Nope.

Muna just wanted my opinion on when the bubbles should be blown at her wedding!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL! ROFL (at myself)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Good grief! She was calling me about bubbles! I lost sleep over bubbles! I got my hopes up over a phone call about bubbles!

Oh well. At least I can still smile at myself at this point.
A

Survivor's Guilt

I've never experienced "survivor's guilt" before--until this week. First we got Kendi's passport when so many others are going through excruciating waits.

Today, I had to tell my families that there would be a delay for court. Ghana says 2-3 weeks, but I know that could be 2-3 months. But our dossier? Our case? It was handed in yesterday just before everything went haywire. Social Welfare even told my staff that Kendi's adoption (and one other case at AAI) will be the last to go through from our agency.

For us, for Kendi, I'm so relieved. I feel SO INCREDIBLY blessed that we have somehow avoided TWO huge pitfalls in Ghana adoption in less than a week. I keep wanting to ask God..."What did I do to deserve this? Why is our adoption 'surviving'?"

It kind of sucks that I don't feel like I can shout my personal happiness from the rooftops. There are just too many people hurting right now for me to do that. It would feel like flaunting.

I feel so humbled. I don't know why things keep working out so perfectly four our adoption of Kendi. Maybe it is going to be one of those adoptions where everything goes perfectly until you hit a huge stumbling block. Or maybe it will be one of those miracle adoptions where everything actually goes right. I don't know. I just know that I'm trying to prepare my heart for both outcomes, and preparing to give God the glory.

Passport/Adoption Thoughts

I realize I posted with wildly abandoned happiness when I got news yesterday that Mabel's passport was in. I hope that didn't cause anybody to feel bad. I know some of you waited (or are waiting) long months for passports.

It is very conflicting to have such a super huge blessing when the passport is a hangup for so many other families. I haven't posted the news to my other blog yet because I'm afraid of making people feel bad. And honestly, I'm afraid that someone might get mad.

Having Kendi's passport means that she probably won't get caught up in the new requirements for TB testing that are going into effect "sometime this summer." That is HUGE to me. After I file our I-600 we can do the visa medical, and that will be that (hopefully).

Ironically, before I got news of Kendi's passport, I was planning to do a blog post about how me being the adoption coordinator really doesn't give me much extra privilege. My staff in Ghana is too funny. I keep asking when I'm going to go to court. Could it be before May 1st, "please?!?!?" Muna just laughs at me like she's saying, "You may be the coordinator but this is still Ghana!" And I know she's right. The staff has given NO indication that they are doing anything out of the ordinary for me, even when I ask!

I gave a lot of thought to things over the weekend. Trying to control the process adds so much stress. I know that, but I still try to do it every time. I felt really convicted over the weekend and decided I really needed to let things go. Everything is going to be okay. She's going to come home. Relax Anita! And you know what? The Lord helped me find peace. Of course then two days later I found out about the passport, so I haven't really had to put my new found contentment to practice yet.

I don't know if it's possible to go through a Ghana adoption without some sort of torturous delay. Well...maybe I've seen it happen a few times. Of course I hope that I'm in that tiny minority that somehow dodges all delays. And things so far have gone SO WELL. I just want to resolve in myself to be content with whatever the Lord has in store. I hope He doesn't have some big delay planned, but there are still lots of steps to get hung up on.

If I'm being practical, it doesn't seem that I will have our adoption decree in time to file my I-600 when I go to Ghana next month. But He can work it out if it's meant to be.

After everything is in for our I-600a (fingerprints), and if we are ONLY waiting on that in order to move forward with a visa, I will certainly contact my USCIS office and/or elected officials to see if we can speed up the I-600a approval process. But I'm resolved not to go crazy over it (like I was thinking a few weeks ago). God's got it under control without my worrying.

Sorry for the rambling post..

PASSPORT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just got word from Ghana!!!! Kendi Mabel's passport is in!!!!!!!! And better yet, there were NO mistakes!!!! Haven't seen it yet, but that is the word!

Thank you, special guardian angel, that helped this happen!!!!

TO GOD BE THE GLORY!!!!!

Anita

Resetting my heart

Well...okay. I'm trying to refocus my expectations for this adoption. I wrote to McLane today and asked her if there was any way to expedite our I-600a in our current situation. [McLane Layton used to be a huge advocate for we OK families, and now she is a huge advocate for all adoptive families. We Okies don't have her to ourselves anymore!] McLane said nope. Nothing we can do unless we are having a longer than normal timeline--which we aren't. I'll still contact our elected official to see if they can do anything (I'm shameless) but I'm sure McLane is right. She's pretty much always right!

My friend Linda (here in OK) says that her fingerprint appointments were scheduled way out too, but she got her approval within 60 days of application. Linda, from your mouth to God's ears on your June 8th prediction!!! We're just at 60 days from application now. But I'd be interested to hear how long it was for you from fingerprinting to approval.

It is in the Lord's hands. No more controlling when it comes to the I-600a. So this is when I let go and watch to see how the Lord works it out!

In the meantime, I am going to reset my expectations. I've got to start being realistic and start thinking about Kendi coming home in September (after 2 months sputum testing) rather than July. I'll get to love on that baby for her whole long life. We can wait a few extra months to hold her in real life!

Anita
P.S. Eric did something sweet tonight, without meaning to. He suggested we start doing Kendi's room this weekend. We got the bed today (I love Craig's list and $10 items), and we have some of her bedding. The boys are going to start sharing a room and Kendi will take Bright's room. Anyway, I want to wait until we pass court to do her room, but it meant a lot to me that Eric is emotionally ready to make her space in our home.

Back on Solid Ground

Thanks for the notes of support yesterday. I am such an emotional person so bad news always feel like the WORST news possible on the day that I get the bad news. I should not have really used words like "devastated" in yesterday's post. I should save "devastated" for news that would put Kendi's life in jeopardy, or keep her from coming home at all. In the world of international adoption 2 months longer is not the worst thing that can happen. And we're blessed because at least there is a chance that we can get her home before the new TB stuff goes into effect. Ethiopia families don't even have that chance.

We went grocery shopping today. It's funny how sometimes what we consider such an every day thing comes across as SUCH a blessing. I mean, seriously! I got to fill my cart with all kinds of vitamin enriched foods. They were having super sales so I stocked up on some of our standards. My pantry is FULL. What percentage of people in the world can say that? We are blessed.

To top it all off, I learned today that I'll soon be adding 2 newborns to the house during the day. Rider (my cousin's baby) will be joining me long-term during the day, starting in June (due May 6). Baby Boy #2 will be joining us for 2-3 months, starting in August (due end of June). It will add up to about $1000 a month in extra (straight to debt!) income while I'm caring for both babies. AND, while baby boy #2 is here his dad will be giving Eric a ride to (and possibly from) work!!!! [I have to drive him to and from usually.]

This extra income won't really come into play with our adoption fees (because hopefully Kendi will be home!!!), but it just feels like the Lord's encouragement that the financial end of the adoption is going to be okay. It's like He's saying, "Here my child. Be encouraged. Have faith." The extra income certainly will be a blessing as we adjust the budget to add a fourth child and continue to pay off our debt.

Finally, I got word today that I definitely will be escorting the two children home from Ghana! I'm getting very excited, not just to see Kendi but also to have the privilege of being there to introduce this family to their children. I mean, really! It will be so worth the jet lag just to be there for that! Even if it doesn't work out to file our I-600 while I'm there, it's a wonderful opportunity.

Anita

What goes up...

Must come down. I hate that I am such a pessimist. I was fighting this morning, when I posted such GOOD news, the thought that something bad was going to happen. And it did. Or at least, bad news came across the wires that have the potential to be very bad for our adoption of Mabel.

AAI found out today that all HIV+ kids are going to have to start having sputum TB tests done at the time of their visa medical. These tests can take TWO MONTHS to get results on. And if they are positive, the child will have to stay in country for six more months doing treatment for TB. Our poor Ethiopia families...this is going into effect immediately for them. For Ghana, it will go into effect "sometime this summer."

Kendi is most likely going to be right on that line where she barely makes it, or barely doesn't make it, before these new requirements go into effect. If I knew she wasn't going to make it, I would be devastated. But I could try to settle into the wait. If I knew she was going to make it (of course!) that would be just dandy and I could relax! As it is, the "not going to know until the last minute" scenario is driving me batty.

This chink in the armor just adds so much stress. It is so hard for me to find that combination of "Let Go. Let God" and "I've got to do something to control this!" I don't want to not let God work, but I also believe He wants us to be TOOLS in His helping! I can't expect to get grants if I don't apply for them. I can't expect for USCIS to just decide to expedite our I-600a if I don't advocate for that. Right?

I'm struggling because my flawed earthly self wants to start now calling in all the stops to get our I-600a approval. Because *I* want to be in control. At the same time, is it the wrong thing to do??? Is what *I* want out of sync with what God would want?

Anyway...prayers are so much appreciated. I know the Lord is in control and I know she will come home. So far everything has gone very well in this adoption. Even if it doesn't continue to go well, I know that in the end He will have the glory. I believe for our "happily ever after."

Oh! My! Goodness!!!!

I could REALLY be in Ghana next month! I wrote to DHS in Ghana last week to see if they would let me submit our I-600 even if I don't have I-600a approval yet (knowing they can't approve until I have my I-600a). I honestly didn't know if I would hear back from them. But this morning they wrote back and said YES!!! I can go to Ghana and file our I-600 even if the I-600a isn't approved yet!!!!!!!

I don't know if it is because of Kendi's special needs, or because they know me, or if they would allow any family to do that. ??? But I'm so thankful!!!

At this point it's looking more and more like I will get to see my baby next month, while traveling to escort two other kiddos home. I guess this is the part where my position with AAI definitely benefits me. And honestly, I am going to write to Muna and Joha and ask them to really push getting the adoption finalized so that we have the adoption decree when I get there. Otherwise, I won't be able to file the I-600. I will NOT delay these kids coming home just so I can do our I-600. I couldn't live with myself for doing that. So the timing will have to work out on my end.

Please pray with me that our adoption can be completed very quickly in Ghana (dossier arrives tomorrow). And please pray with me that the finances work out! I won't have to worry about travel expenses, but we still owe AAI $2500 of our Ghana fee and that is due before I leave!

I am filling out grant apps like a crazy woman, but all of them seem to take quite a while to be funded. No wonder I hear about grants being funded AFTER the child is home (a lot)! I keep going through all of our relatives in my head, wondering who might have the money to make a $5500 loan to us until the Adoption Tax Credit comes in. But alas...no relatives come to mind. Oh well. God has a plan and HE will be glorified in how it works out!

Could I be in Ghana next month?

Maybe! So here's the deal... A family that has been waiting for a passport got that passport today. That means we can start visa processing. But their I-600 approval hasn't made it to Ghana yet, so that will delay visa processing. They are having their kids escorted. Guess who could be the escort? Me!

BUT...best I can figure it, the kids are going to need an escort around mid-May. IF everything went perfectly, we could have Kendi's adoption decree in mid-May. That means she'd have to go to court by end of this month, and we'd have to put a "rush" on getting the paper adoption decree.

If we had her adoption decree by mid-May we would have everything required to file the I-600. Oh...except for that pesky I-600a approval. So the question is, can you file the I-600 before you have I-600a approval? Will DHS in Ghana let me do that, with the understanding that they can't approve it until the I-600a stuff is to them (already sent an email)?

It would just be too good to be true. I could go over there doing AAI business (escorting children home) but take a day to file our I-600. Then travel back when everything is done.

There are just so many unknowns though. Will we get the adoption decree in time? Will they let me file?

And what if I can't do the I-600? Do I want to go to Ghana to escort the kids home and see Mabel for a few days? Or is that adding insult to injury (having to leave her again and not getting anything done for the adoption)? It's not exactly easy for me to negotiate what goes on with my family here while I'm in Ghana. And honestly, it doesn't sound exactly FUN to get 2 and 4 year olds through the airports and the long plane rides home!

Prayers are appreciated for this!!!!! I am very conflicted!!!!

Anita

Quick Kendi Funny

From a mom currently at Eban House...

"Yes, the babies are very tiny and cute! Mabel is having a hard time with that though, because she is not longer the baby of the home. You should've seen how indignant she was to see someone else in the arms of any of the aunties. If only she knew she WILL be the baby of HER family! :)"

I can just see Mabel's face as she learns that she is no longer the baby of Eban House. Like, "What? I am supposed to be in your arms, not THAT thing!" Oh, she is SUCH the spoiled princess. It will be good for her to get over that a bit, as Bright and she are going to have quite the tug of war going on when she gets home and they both get used to sharing mommy!

Two more biggies off the list!!

Well, the adoption is literally out of my hands now! Our dossier was sent off today and should be in Ghana this time next week. Our last dossiers to go over went to court about 3 weeks later, so I am hoping for a late April/early May court date for Kendi!

Our homestudy made it to USCIS today. Hopefully they will respond quickly with fingerprint appointments so we can officially start that wait. They say 60 days from the time the application packet is complete, but I'll get our elected official involved to ask for expediting if we get an adoption decree before we have approval. They've been good about that stuff in the past.

They are supposed to apply for Kendi's passport next week. Praying bigtime about that one! If all things go well (USCIS, court, passport) I could be up for a trip to Ghana in a few months! Crazy! The financial side is starting to worry me a bit more, because we still need $5500 to finance the adoption and it seems like most grants take several months to be considered and/or awarded. But faith! Gotta have faith!

Anita

That Girl!

I got this little story from a mom who is currently in Ghana spending time at Eban House:


"Mabel had been playing with me and crawling all over me when she noticed that her snot had dripped all over my arm. She pointed at it in dismay and made some mabel comments, then she slid off my lap and ran (or however you describe the way she walks) to find a towel from the table, got the towel down, and brought it to me. After I wiped my arm, she looked quite satisfied with me, took the towel back, and came back to crawl on my lap. That girl!"



That's my girl! I mean, when your snot gets all over someone you've got to be considerate and get the person a towel! LOL!



The mom also said that Kendi Mabel can now say "mommy" and "babies."



Speaking of babies, Kendi is no longer the baby of Eban House. We welcomed 8 month old twins to Eban House this weekend. Our first true infants. They are said to be "very tiny." They are from Kendi's village. It's really amazing to me when I think about the size of some of these babies. Kendi is a very healthy-looking whopping 19 pounds now (at 22 months). In America these 8 month olds would be 19 pounds! I'm thinking they are maybe 9-10 pounds.

Homestudy Draft Is In!

Okay, so our Social Worker finally finished our homestudy! At least the draft. She sent it to Gay at AAI today. Woo hoo!!! So hopefully Gay will approve the study tomorrow, which will be April 3rd.

For my best case scenario I had hoped that our homestudy would be complete by April 1st. But the way our SW is working, I'm thinking the earliest I will have the notarized copies is next Friday, the 1oth. I was hoping to have our dossier in Ghana by the 15th, but that obviously isn't going to happen either. However, I think that it's still totally possible that we could be going to court by end of May. Our last batch of families who sent dossier over a few weeks ago are already heading to court very soon.

I've had a feeling since the beginning that USCIS is what is going to cause us delay in travel. I still feel that way. But I'll continue to beg and plead with them to please work quickly since our child is already identified.

Oh well. At least we are getting close with the homestudy. That will open up so much. Referral. Dossier. Complete I-600a file. Grants. That's good.

Good news!

Kendi Mabel's birth certificate has finally been received in Ghana! It has been such a struggle (always a struggle with kids from the North). Now the staff can apply for her passport! I'm trying not to worry about the passport thing, but that's going to be hard. It's such an unknown and frustrating part of the process.

Anita

Getting Impatient!

Okay, so we're what...6 weeks into this adoption. Yep. Right on target. I'm going through my first round of impatience. I am so ready to have our homestudy done so we can make the referral official! I wrote to my social worker to see if we were still on target to have the homestudy done "by the end of the month." She wrote back saying that she planned to have it done "soon." ACK! Now, I know I would do the exact same thing if I were here! Heck--I'm sure I do that to my families! I don't want to make promises and then have them get mad at me, so I use words like, "I think" and "maybe" and "soon" all the time.

Anyway, nothing big to report. I'm just impatient. I'm a horrible waiter. I'm ready to hold my baby again.

Is this not the cutest profile ever? I mean, really! =-)

Adoption Funding Update

Hi Everybody,

I thought I'd share with you how things are going on the financial side of the adoption. If you've been reading the blog from the beginning you know that our "sign" that we were to go forward was when a wonderful foundation said they would like to give us a grant.

We were notified today that we have recieved a very generous $5000 grant!!! Through our own savings and tax refund, we've been able to cover the cost of homestudy ($900), USCIS ($830), AAI Application ($100) and AAI Adoption Services Fee ($2000). In addition, I have enough frequent flyer miles to pay for one ticket to Ghana.

We have left to pay...
Ghana Foreign Fee: $7500, of which $5000 will be paid by grant
HIV Waiver: $545 (I think)
Visa: $400
Kendi's plane ticket: estimating $1000
Food/Boarding in Ghana for 1 month*: $1000

So, all in all we still need to finance about $5500 more for the adoption. That is a LOT of money. At the same time, I have faith that the Lord will continue to provide in ways that we could never imagine. It's not an option for us to take a conventional loan or put this remaining $5500 on credit cards (literally, not an option), so we will have to trust it will come in other ways!!

Eric and I have decided that we do feel okay about applying for some of the "covenent loan" programs that are out there (basically, a no interest loan where there is no promissory note and you promise to pay the loan back with the tax credit). We'll continue to apply for grants. We'll also have a grant account (not sure what the proper word for it is) with From HIV to Home where our friends and family can give a tax deductible donation towards our adoption expenses.

Prayers are appreciated!!!

*Yes, I'm still thinking I want to make one trip. It will just be so much less expensive if we can do it that way. It all depends on IF DHS will expedite I-600 processing and how fast we can get the HIV waiver done. A family is doing the waiver right now in Ghana, so we will have some idea within a few weeks.

PRAISE GOD!!!!!!!!!

I got the BEST news from Ghana this morning! We were FINALLY able to get the results of Kendi's CD4 count and CD4 percentage. That in and of itself is wonderful news--just so we can know where she is at. But it gets better!!!

Her CD4 count is over 1500!!! And her CD4 percentage os 48%!!!!

What? You don't know what this means? Where have you been? [Just kidding. I didn't know what it meant at first either--as in I didn't know what it meant even this morning! LOL!]

A normal person's CD4 count is 500-1500. Her's was OVER 1500! A normal person's CD4 percentage is 30-50%. Her's was 48%! This means that, from everything we can tell, Kendi Mabel's immune system is functioning as well as, and possible better than, all of us HIV negative folks. Is that not amazing?!

All that this child has gone through. Pre-birth exposures. Neglect. Significant malnutrition. HIV. And yet she is thriving not only on the outside, but also on the inside. God's hand must truly be upon her.

Misunderstanding

Thanks friends, for your words of support after my frustrated post yesterday. I really value your friendship. I think in my frustration I misrepresented the situation a bit. My family is giving the support for us to adopt again--and even to adopt Kendi. I know they will love her and accept her in our family. It's just that right now a few of them also have this fear that she is going to in some way be a danger to the other kids in the family. They are paranoid about bloody noses, or vomit, or a runny nose. That sort of thing. They will love her. I guess they are just having a harder time trusting that she won't "hurt" anybody else.

Anita

And one more thing...

Did you notice that I called her Kendi in my entire post below? There's a reason for that! I talked to our administrator today and found out that the staff at Eban House have started to call Mabel Kendi! I had shared with Muna about her new name (because we are friends). When we were skyping today she said something about "Kendi's labs" and I inquired. Muna said that when I told her about the name she thought it was pretty so she just decided they would start calling her Kendi now. It's not at all uncommon for our Eban kids to pick up nick names that are completely different from their "real" names, so I guess it didn't seem like a big deal to Muna.

I am very happy about this, although it was also very unexpected. I realized that when I was talking/thinking about her being HOME I called her Kendi. But when I was talking/thinking about things happening in Ghana with her I would refer to her as Mabel. Now she has the same name in both places and my mind can quit being so split!

Family Frustrations

I swear, half of the posts on this blog are going to be about our frustrations with getting family on board with Kendi's adoption. It's not that they aren't on board, but rather a few of them are not letting go of pre-conceived notions they have about HIV/AIDS. A few of them can't let go of the idea that Kendi is in some way a danger to the children in the family.

Yesterday we got together with Eric's side of the family and it sort of came to a boiling point. Since we were all together we asked if they had any questions or concerns that we could address, regarding Kendi's HIV. One person said their concern was about Eric--that this would be putting him at unnecessary risk. Of course, she had talked to her nurse friends, who CONFIRMED that Eric could get HIV through his catheter (the tube coming out of his stomach for dialysis to go in). Urgh.

First, Eric only opens the end of that tube when he is alone and in a secluded environment. The risk is that he would get an AIR BORN germ in his catheter while the lid is off for a short time while he hooks up to the dialysis treatment. What? Is Kendi's blood going to somehow squirt out of her body, through the sealed catheter, and into Eric's abdominal cavity even though he doesn't even open that with ANY of us around? AAAAHHHHH!!!!!! But remember, our family member's nurse friends confirmed that he could get HIV from Kendi through his catheter. Yeah. Maybe if we uncapped the catheter, cut Kendi's vein open and then drained her blood into it!

But then this family member pulled out the fact that she had done her own "research" on this. She had done a (as in SINGULAR) google search and saw on the CDC where it said HIV could be spread through vomit and snot and...etc., etc., etc.. I told her she must have misread the information. Sure enough I went on CDC tonight and read through the "HIV Transmission" fact sheet. She totally misread the document. AND it is from 1999. Shouldn't the CDC have more updated information than that?

My family member said that we could find anything we wanted to find to support our claims on the internet. As if we are just pulling up shady sites or sending them links from Wikipedia!

The final straw was when we mentioned that we were going to share Kendi's status with our adult niece and her fiance. Oh, no need, they said. They already knew. Not only that, but they had also told our EIGHT YEAR OLD NIECE about Kendi's HIV status.

In what world would an 8 year old need to know that her soon-to-be cousin is HIV+? I'll tell you in what world. In the world where parents would sit down and tell their daughter, "Now Eric and Anita are going to adopt another baby. She is SICK. You can't help feed her. You can't give her kisses. You need to keep your distance from her so that she doesn't make you sick." Can you think of any other reason they would tell their daughter unless it was as a warning? I can't.

I just spent the evening sending my family yet more information on the reality of HIV in today's world. Everybody kept saying that disclosure would be the hardest part of adopting an HIV+ child. Eric and I really thought we had it all figured out, but it is turning out to be way, way harder than we ever imagined.

We don't plan to share Kendi's status with that many more people before she comes home (we're thinking about a few folks at church that we want to tell). We are taking Erin's advice just to give it some time and let people know her before we decide when and how and if to disclose. Right now, to these people, HIV is just a thing. Kendi is a PERSON. This beautiful little person that just happens to carry something in her blood. They can't see the child for the disease. I think we are learning that we want people in the future to see the child first, and the disease second.

Thanks for letting me vent. I'll probably erase this post in a few days since it's shows so much anger at a certain family member. But I needed to vent to the people who understand.

That color is good on you!

One of the things I love about having dark-skinned kids is that they look so good in all of the bright summer colors that we very white folks can't pull off. Salmon, and orange, and bright yellow, and hot pink! I must be in a rainbow sort of mood today because this morning I bought Kendi Mabel a sweater that is rainbow striped (basically for free). We went to Target for some essentials tonight and I could not pass up this oh-so-Kendi-ish summer dress for $4! I just know her skin is going to look so beautiful against those colors.

I find it very hard to buy her the right size because I am paranoid that she will outgrow clothes before she gets home. When I was in Ghana 6 weeks ago she was 30 inches tall and 17 pounds heavy. According to Old Navy size charts that means she would be in 6-12 month for weight and 12-18 month for height.

By the time she comes home I'm thinking she could be maybe 25 pounds and 33-34 inches. ??? If so, that just puts her at BARELY 24 month size! The 24 month dress I bought her today at Target says it is for 33-35.5 inches and 26.5-28 pounds.

It's like it's too good to be true. Am I really buying those too cute toddler girl clothes again after 7 years?! Wow.

I know...I'm pitiful. The little things are very exciting to me right now. =-)

Hair and Tummy and Feet!

I got some new photos of Kendi Mabel today!!! Just four (gosh, I am so spoiled in saying "just" four). LOL But they were neat photos because I can see how much she is changing! Her hair is getting THICK. Love it! That tummy is getting THICK too! I don't know who brought the shoes for her but I am dieing to know what size they are. Her cheeks are filling out. Can you see it? Well, I guess some of you haven't seen pics of her so you don't know what to compare it to. Just trust me. She looks GREAT!!!

See that pink dress? I bought that! It's a size 2T.

Best Case Scenario--Update

I am updated my post titled "Best Case Scenario". I was looking at dates today and it actually seems like so far we are on track for the Best Case Scenario!!! Of course there is still a ton of things that can go wrong.

I talked to our Social Worker and she said that things are on track for her to be done with the report at about the same time our child abuse clearances are back (2 weeks from now). So April 1st time frame to have the homestudy done is still right on.

Kendi Mabel's paperwork is coming along well in Ghana. She is pretty much referral ready now. We don't have a single family currently in the program that is homestudy-complete and open to an HIV+ child. And we certainly have no families open to a child exposed to alcohol. This is the part in the process that makes me most nervous, because she is not technically "ours" and yet she is now referral ready.

I used to have more mixed emotions about it than I do now. Before we knew about her pre-birth history I wondered if we would be holding her back--making her wait longer--just because we want to adopt her. Also, I couldn't tell back then whether the difference in us being ready and her being ready would be 2 weeks or 2 months.

Honestly, Merrily is fine with us "holding her back" so that Eric and I can adopt her. *I* just had misgivings because I want her to have a family ASAP. But now that we are talking 2 weeks difference, I am okay with it. =-) And honestly, the chances of us finding a family for her in 2 weeks with her potential special needs (not HIV but adding in the other) is very small, even if we placed her on Rainbow Kids.

I still hope I can make one trip to get her. I've left her once and I don't want to do it again (not that she will care)! But it will all depend on who can care for my family here when I'm gone, and how things are going with DHS/Embassy at that time.

Gosh, I love this child.

Reactions

I don't want to give the impression that I'm going around telling every person I know that Kendi Mabel was exposed to alcohol and poison before she was born. But of those I have told it's been interesting to observe their reactions.

In my book the potential issues with FAS/FAE are MUCH more daunting to look at than the potential issues with HIV. However, without exception the responses from people who learn about Kendi Mabel's alcohol exposure is more along the "poor baby" and "It's not her fault. She'll be okay" line. And...those are totally appropriate responses.

What is interesting to me is that some of those SAME people have a very different response when we talk about her HIV status. Sure, I think they know that it's not her fault. But that's not what some of them are focused on. Some of them are focused on "How can this hurt me. How can this hurt my family." It no longer matters that it wasn't Kendi Mabel's fault. Their initial reactions indicate that they are going to be in "protect myself/my family" mode when they are around her (at least at first).

Then there are the people who want to write off the alcohol stuff like OF COURSE it will be okay, while at the same time still fearing that she will certainly die from the HIV stuff. Hello?! The alcohol stuff could have a much more profound effect on her life, if she is affected.

There are a few people in my life that I really want to "get" it--even more than the rest. I so want their total support for our adoption of KM. They know the facts about HIV, but are having a hard time really believing it.

Right now our close family members know about Kendi Mabel's status. Our more extended family (my step siblings, nieces, nephews, and on down) do not. At first we thought we'd disclose to my step-siblings, but now Eric are thinking that if that comes, it will come after Kendi Mabel is home. We want them to love her before they know anything is "different" about her. I was telling one my family members (who does know her status) how we were feeling. Long story short, there is still something in the back of this person's mind that says our family must be "protected" from Kendi Mabel.

It hurts so much to know that even someone WITH the facts can't get rid of that deeply-ingrained fear that was put inside us all in the 80s/90s. In casual living, there is nothing for anybody to be protected from when it comes to our future daughter. Nothing.

Having someone very close to me have that reaction, gives me less faith in others to understand and get over their misconceptions about HIV. There was a woman at church today who is adopting from Thailand. She was telling me that they are open to a variety of special needs, including Hep B. I told her if she is open to Hep B she should really also research more about adopting a child with HIV, as it's in the same tier (if not lower down) as far as special needs go. The woman didn't say anything but looked at me like I was crazy. It was really a rude look! Later, my friend told me that this woman is a doctor. If I get that response from a doctor, how much further do we have to go to de-stigmatize this disease?!

It's such a catch-22. All of this makes me that much more passionate about educating people. But at the same time my mama bear comes out when I feel like people are judging my child. Do I advocate/educate for HIV adoptions, and open up my child to all of the hurt she is likely to endure? Or do we keep things more quiet until she is old enough to choose for herself how we handle it?

I am so proud of my friends who are open about their families who have HIV+ members. I immediately thought THAT is what we would be like. And I still certainly don't think we could ever be secretive about it. But some of the reactions I've seen with close family and medical professionals makes me feel defeated. If THEY don't get it, I know that I have misunderstood the magnitude of the challenge ahead of us. I can take the heat. I just don't want it to burn my baby.

Sunshiney Day

Maybe it's that it's already 66 degrees outside. Maybe it's that it is going to get to 85 today. Maybe it's because daffodils are blooming and trees are blossoming. Whatever it is, today is a sunshiney day in my heart!

I got news "from a distant land" today from two people, about Kendi Mabel. Hearing about her makes my heart soar! She is talking now!!! She says "hello", and when you ask "How are you?" she says, "Fine." If you knew her teeny tiny voice and could imagine her little self saying this, it would make you smile!

Both a volunteer and Muna tell me that she is doing fantastic! Gaining weight, healthy, and catching up in all developmental areas. Praise God! The doctors have been difficult to work with to get her CD4 counts and percentage but it sounds as if next Monday we might finally get to do these tests and see the results. I'm very hopeful for good results, but at the very least it will be good to know what we are dealing with as far as counts go.

Today my heart feels happy. The worries from earlier in the week are just...gone. Even without any hard facts or evidence that she wasn't affected by things that happened to her in utero, somehow the Lord has reconfirmed in my heart that she is still supposed to be our daughter. I'm not just "at peace" with that. I'm JOYFUL about that!!!

I hope all of your days are sunshiney as well.

Homestudy Docs--Check!

We got the last of our homestudy documents today. Yea! It took longer than I wanted, but we had more to collect than usual too (with Eric's extra medical documents and the kids medicals).

Hopefully our criminal/child abuse clearances are working their way steadily through the system and our SW will have the study written and ready to go once those clearances are in.

USCIS still hasn't cashed our check. Not that I WANT $830 to go out of my checking account, but it would be good to know the application got there safely!

Kendi Mabel still isn't officially referral-ready, which actually works in our favor since we want the timing of it all to fit perfectly (us both being ready at the same time).

Name Frustrations

Okay...I can't do it. I can't just keep calling her Kendi, or even Kendi Mae. She's got to be Kendi Mabel. Every time I leave off the Mabel I feel like I'm disrespecting her. She's not legally our child yet. And even if she was, she's still Mabel. I love her as Mabel, even though I do NOT love that name! Maybe 3 years from now I will look at this post and laugh at myself, thinking, "How could she ever have been anything but Kendi!" But right now she is something other than Kendi. She is Mabel. So I'll cut myself a break. Kendi Mabel Anadane Gillispie is not as "pretty" maybe. But that's what I think her name should be. Kendi Mae for short? Sure! But she's still Mabel. Always will be. Now, I've got to talk to Eric! =-)
Anita

FAS/FAE, Neurotoxicity, and other fun things

I've got to be honest in saying that yesterday's news on Kendi really threw me for a loop. It hit me on many different levels. First, there was sadness for her. Then there was fear of what all of this could mean to her future. And what could it do to our plans to adopt her? Does it make a difference?

I spent the majority of last night looking up information on Fetal Alcohol Syndrom and Fetal Alcohol Effects; DDT poisening, and neurotoxicity. I am certainly still no expert on these things.

The DDT poisening. Yes, the chemical insecticide. It makes sense because the area of Ghana where Kendi is from is highly agricultural. Also, DDT (I learned) is the agent used in up to 1/3 of all suicides in Asia. It's a common thing to use for suicide.

From everything I found last night, it seems that she is probably okay from the DDT--or at least not suffering from the most severe effects. She isn't having seizures, isn't uncoordinated, and doesn't have excessive GI problems. Neurotoxicity is a concern, but one that I cannnot rule in or out. Neurotoxicity can cause the same sorts of ADHD-like symptoms as FAS/FAE. All in all, I think she must of somehow been spared from the effects of the DDT. Maybe the mother had her stomach pumped before it hit her blood stream????

The alcohol is much more of a concern for me. I can say without hesitation that for us it is much more difficult to parent a child with behavioral issues than it is to parent a child with medical issues. The possible FAS/FAE is a much bigger deal to us than HIV. It's just one of those special needs that I never would have chosen for my child.

I studied Kendi's pictures for a long time last night. I just don't think her facial features are in line with the facial features usually seen in kids with FAS. Short upturned nose? Yes. But very thin top lip? Smooth surface between top lip and nose? Small eyes? Underdeveloped ears? Low nose bridge? I don't see it. If one of you do PLEASE let me know. Maybe I am seeing her face through rose-colored glasses, but I just see a very cute normal looking face.

If she doesn't have FAS, FAE is still a definite possibility. FAE doesn't come with any physical abnormalities. You can't see it. And the symptoms don't fully reveal themselves for many years. Hyperactivity, learning difficulties, social difficulties, etc.. Having met and spent time with Mabel, I don't have any red flags for behavioral issues at this point. She seemed like a typically developing child. She was behind--for sure--but catching up. Just in the week I was with her she learned to wave bye-bye, blow kisses, and say "bye-bye." To me, that doesn't seem like a child who is cognitively impaired. Of course, there are still YEARS to come before we know how she might have been adversely affected.

Chances are, she is going to have SOME effect from the alcohol. But how much we have no way of knowing. We just. don't. know.

If we had gotten this news about a child that I had only seen a picture of, it would have been much more difficult to move forward. Seriously--FAS/FAE scares me to death. It may have been enough to stop this adoption (unless the Lord spoke clearly abut us continuing on). But that's not what happened. We got this information about a child I have played with, and cuddled, and taught. I know this child. So even though my brain says "RUN!" my heart says, "It's going to be okay."

Maybe it won't be as okay as we had hoped it would. Maybe Kendi Mabel is going to have challenges in addition to the HIV. But really....how do we know that ALL of our children haven't been exposed to alcohol before birth? We don't have any information about their mother's pregnancies. We have no idea what they went through to be born. Their risks could have been the same as, if not greater than, Kendi Mabel's.

So...we're moving forward. I thought Eric might be thrown for a loop by this, but he wasn't. He just said, "Well, it's something we'll need to keep an eye on." and that was it. No talk of not going foward. I guess we both feel like we can't just throw this child away because of a chance, an exposure. Maybe things would be different if she had a sure diagnosis of something. But she doesn't. We serve a mighty God that we have SEEN heal our children before. He can do it again.

Poor Baby

Oh my poor, poor baby. I just got her social welfare report today. It's not finalized. This was just a "soft" copy. But it is the most information I have seen about Mabel. I won't be sharing this on my public/other blog.

I don't know if I have mentioned this before, but Mabel's case is somewhat unique because it is her mother that abandoned her, and her father that relinquished her. I just found out today how bad it was with her mother. Sweet baby....mother tried to abort her "many" times during pregnancy. When that didn't work she started drinking heavily and eventually poisoned herself with "DDT" (still have to research what that is). Eventually the mother abandoned Mabel to the father's family and has now completely disappeared.

What a survivor Mabel is. How did she make it through all of that? It also makes me wonder what additional challenges she may have in the future. Alcohol and poisoning in utero is no small thing. I don't *see* any signs of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome but will certainly be researching that more in the coming weeks. FAS scares me to death, to be quite honest. If anybody has any experience with it, I'd like to hear what they have been.

I'm not just saying this because we hope to adopt Mabel, but it is exactly kids like her who truly benefit from international adoption. She is the type of kid I do this for. She's not unique. We've got many others who TRULY need to be placed internationally. It SICKENS me to hear more and more often of agencies that I believe are in Ghana for the wrong reason. They seek out healthy babies and "perfect" kids. They are going to feel my wrath if they compromise adoptions for those children who truly are in need.

BTW, I know it's not kosher to share this type of information about your child. I just wanted to share with you all, so you get an idea for the extent of the need for some of our kids in Ghana.

Up we go...

Thanks friends, for the encouraging words. Chanda, praying with you for BIG movement very soon!! I know that after all of this time you've got to be feeling what I do, times 10 (or 100).

I'm feeling better today. Merrily (my boss/AAI director) can be such a calming influence. She's been doing this for 30 years and not much throws her for a loop anymore. She feels strongly that this embassy stuff is going to be ironed out.

I broke down and watched all of my videos of Kendi last night. [BTW, I am still really struggling to refer to her as Kendi rather than Mabel!] It was good to see her and hear her voice. Like I said yesterday, my heart is fighting that right now. But in the end it was good. It reminds me who we are doing all of this for. Seeing her doesn't allow her to become some child out there in the yonder. I know her. I know my love for her is real. And she is worth this tiny amount of stress, and all of the months of stress to come!

Weekend Woes--Part II

I was getting on to vent about all of the emotions I'm feeling when I realized that I already did that once this weekend. Thus, part two!

Gosh, I really did forget how hard this all is. The paperwork is definitely the easiest part of an international adoption. Keeping a check on your emotions is infinitely more difficult.

Here are my symptoms:

1. I don't want to buy clothes for when Kendi Mae is home.
2. I don't feel ready to start her afghan (I have crocheted all of my kids an afghan).
3. I try to tell myself it will be okay if something happens and she never comes home.

All these symptoms reveal the true state of things. I am scared to death of loving and losing this child. I find myself trying not to think about how amazing she is. I find myself trying to put out of my mind what she felt like, smelled like, sounded like. I try not to think about the way she filled up my arms as I held her.

Self-preservation is an interesting thing. The truth is that there is no way to preserve yourself in an adoption. If you don't allow yourself to feel all of the love you have for your future child you have missed an opportunity for months of heart-bonding. If you do allow yourself to feel every ounce of love, you are opening yourself up to terrible hurt if something goes wrong. In the end I always end up opening myself up for that terrible hurt.

Weekend Woes

Adoption is hard. I didn't forget that in the last few years since we adopted, but I haven't FELT it the same way as when I'm going through it myself.

There is such a range of emotions. Such complicated feelings. When it's good it's really good, but when things are bad they feel very bad. Everything comes in its most extreme form.

There was a bulletin put out on the US Embassy of Ghana website that said from now on they will not make visa appointments until 6-8 weeks AFTER I-600 approval. When I break that down, here's what I get:
**File I-600.
**Wait 2-3 weeks for approval
**Then wait 6-8 weeks for the consulate to give you a visa appointment
**1-2 weeks to actually get the visa.

It breaks down to a 3 month wait between I-600 submission and visa issuance. That is totally unacceptable. There will be a fight over this. Folks at the state department will hear about this.

My professional side is saying, "It will be fine. We'll fight this and win." My mommy side just wants to freak out and cry because this could add so much time until Kendi Mae could come home.

I have learned in the last week that common ailments in Ghana--like chicken pox and malaria--can really put my baby's life at risk. She's doing so great right now, but it seems that behind every new day is the risk that something could get her and potentially kill her. I want her here so she can be safe. Or at the least I wish there was a way we could protect her from getting malaria and chicken pox while she's there.

Just hold on baby girl. We'll get you home as soon as we can.

Just lucky?

I think not!

Today I filled out our I-600a, added the supporting documents, cover letter, check, and neatly folded it all into an envelope. I addressed it, stamped it, prayed over it, and put it on the mail box.

About two hours later--right before the mailman came--I was walking through the house and stepped on the check addressed to USCIS! Holy moley.

Thank you Lord for letting me find that check before the I-600a went out! I was able to put it all in a new envelope WITH the check before the mailman came around the corner.

Protected, not lucky.

Anita

Friday, Feb 27th

Oh! I just realized why I kept thinking today was significant for some reason. It was 8 years ago today that we got news that Taevy's adoption went through in Cambodia. Seriously, one of the happiest days of my life thus far. The day I became a mommy.

So I'm gathering from no comments on my last post that my "best case scenario" is a total pie in the sky hope and you all are trying to be nice to me by not saying so. It's true. Something will definitely happen to slow us up. I really need to just hope she's home for Christmas. But I guess I'm a glutton for punishment. I tell every parent I work with never to think in terms of the best case scenario and here I am doing the exact same thing. When August arrives and Kendi Mae isn't home you all will have to pick me up off the floor because of my huge disappointment. Oh well.

This has been an incredibly difficult week as far as my work goes. Just so many sad things to take in. I hate calling families to give bad news. And this week was a bad news, followed by bad news, followed by bad news, sort of week. Next week must get better.

Despite the very long work hours and Ghana-related emotional stuff I dealt with this week, we were relatively successful at continuing with our adoption progress.

The I-600a and AAI application is in the mail. Feels good.

Still waiting on Eric's employment letter, one reference letter, the Kidney Social Worker letter, and doctor's statements for the kiddos. Then we'll have all of our homestudy stuff collected and can send it in to her. It will feel good to get that out.

Anita

Best Case Scenario

Here is the best case scenario as far as timeline goes for Kendi Mae's adoption.

I-600a MAILED: February 27, 2009

HOMESTUDY COMPLETE: April 1, 2009

ACCEPT REFERRAL: April 1, 2009

HOMESTUDY ACCEPTED BY USCIS: April 15, 2009

DOSSIER IN GHANA: April 15, 2009

USCIS FINGERPRINTING: by end of April, 2009

GO TO COURT: by end of May 2009

COURT DECREE ISSUED: mid-June 2009

I-600a APPROVED: mid-June 2009 (although I am going to pull out all the stopps and beg for expedited approval because of KM's health status).

TRAVEL FOR I-600 SUBMISSION: end of June, 2009

HOME WITH KENDI MAY: end of July, 2009

Yes, at this point I am thinking about going for one trip. Not just for Kendi, but for ALL of our HIV+ kids, we are going to request expedited I-600 processing. DHS has indicated in the past that they are able to expedite when in the best interest of the child. So I'm HOPING 5-7 business days for I-600 approval. Then I'm HOPING for a week turnaround for the HIV Waiver process. Then I'm planning on 1.5 to 2 weeks to get the visa, although we'll ask for expedited visa processing for HIV+ kiddos too.

Reality is that if the best case scenario has her coming home at the end of July, I really need to be hoping for her to be home before the OU-TX game (October)! I really do think she'll be home before the holidays, which will be so wonderful.

Anita

Making a List, Checking it Twice

We decided to adopt Kendi Mae on February 11, 2009. Two weeks ago tomorrow. I wouldn't say things are going at lightening speed, but they are going and it feels good to check things of "the list" each day! I'm using the blog to keep track of things, and also just to record progress for the sake of prosperity. And...just because it makes me feel better to see it typed out!

Here's what's been accomplished in the last 2 weeks:

*Official grant application out to foundation who is planning to give us a grant.

*Application filled out for AAI. Still need to mail it (getting stamps tonight).

*Homestudy medicals done for Anita.

*Homestudy medicals done for Eric.

*Dossier medicals done for Anita.

*Dossier medicals done for Eric.

*Extra "support" letter from Kidney Specialist done.

*Child abuse clearance requests mailed.

*2 of 3 reference letters are in.

*Anita's employment letter received.

*Homestudy visit DONE.

Next in line for completion:

*Letter of support from Eric's Kidney Team Social Worker (complete next week).

*Eric's employment letter and income verification (later this week).

*Anita's income verification (next week).

*Oklahoma Criminal Background checks (tomorrow).

*Kids homestudy medical statements (shooting for Friday).

*I-600a (shooting for Friday).

The goal is to get our packet of supporting homestudy documents out by end of next week. The Kidney SW's letter will probably be last to come in. The child abuse clearances take up to 4 weeks here in OK, so that will be the LAST thing that comes in for our homestudy. I'm praying that she will have it ready to go when that clearance comes back!

Anita

Homestudy--Check!

February 23, 2008.

[Fabu, used that subject title just for you.] ;-)

Kids Walking Kids Home

**I posted this (below) on my other blog, but couldn't be as open about it as I can be here. We haven't quite decided how open we are going to be with our church about Kendi Mae's status and I'm just not quite ready to come out to the public blog world yet.

Anyway, I wanted to mention that Eric and I do plan to do fundraising for Kendi Mae's adoption through "From HIV to Home." We hope to do a full scale "walk-a-thon"--possibly with another adoptive family in our church! And we are going to open a "grant account" (for lack of a better word) with From HIV to Home as well--so that should someone feel led to make a tax deductible donation towards our adoption, they can. Kendi Mae will be one of the kids someone could "walk" for. But I also want to put a word out for a very good friend of mine who is in the same position as us when it comes to adoption funds--hurting! I don't think she is "out" in bloggy world either, but write to me if you want to walk for her future little one! ***

Have you all heard of Kids Walking Kids Home? This is a fantastic and unique way to bring awareness to the possibility of adopting an HIV+ child while at the same time supporting a family who is adopting an HIV+ child!

It's kind of like a modified "walk-a-thon." Basically, you contact KWKH and they will send you a fundraising kid complete with cute red bucket! The idea is that you get your kids involved in the process of helping an HIV+ child "come home" to America. The kids take donations for 2-3 weeks (donations are tax deductible). At the end of the donation collection time they make a statement in your community by simply taking a walk with their red bucket in hand. Maybe they receive more donations during their walk? But even if not, they are bringing awareness to the need for people to adopt HIV+ children here and around the globe.

May 7th is Wolrd AIDS Orphan Day. Wouldn't that be a great day to do this all across the country?! Kids Walking Kids Home is a program sponsored by From HIV to Home. The coolest thing (I think) is that if you know of a family adopting an HIV+ child, you can do the walk specifically for that family/child. The funds you raise are then given as a grant to the family who is trying to adopt that child!I think that this is something our family will try to take part in on May 7th. Such a great way to give a small blessing to another family, while at the same time bringing awareness to "positive" adoptions!

Anita

Enemy like a flood...

"When the enemy comes in like a flood, the Spirit of the Lord will raise up a standard against it!"

What. A. Day. A good, hard, long, rewarding, exhausting day. My mom came in like a woman possessed and helped us whip the house into shape!

First we scrubbed the walls. Did you know that Windex is awesome for wall scrubbing (and all sorts of other cleaning)? My mom heard it from some friends and we put it to the test today. Windex kicked Magic Eraser's butt! I cannot believe how much better my walls look. I thought only painting would take away all of the writing on the walls, but Windex and elbow grease did the job.

Next the upstairs (kid) bathroom was scrubbed from top to bottom. We got down with toothbrush-like scrubbing brushes and went tile to tile, grout line to grout line. I always neglect that bathroom since it is upstairs in "kid world." My mom made me promise to give it more attention from now on. ;-)

It was downstairs for a quick lunch before I tackled the water stains on the kitchen ceiling. The sink overflowed soon after we moved in 3 years ago and we never got around to repairing the ceiling. We found this stuff at Lowe's that was made for the express purpose of covering water stains on ceilings! So despite the flood we had LAST NIGHT my kitchen ceiling looks a thousand times better. And it took 10 minutes and less than $10 to fix. I still have to spackle and "re-popcorn" one area, but I doubt our SW will even notice that area.

Back upstairs where my mom tackled the linen closet while I tried not to collapse. I was so tired by this point. This stupid bug has just really taken it out of me (although I am on the mend now). Four bags of linen donated to charity later, my linen closet actually holds all of my linens without stuffing!

By this time it was late afternoon. We make the welcome mugs (new visitor gifts) for our church. We had 15 to make for tomorrow morning, but I already know we are too sick to go to church tomorrow. [Eric and Bright are down with "the bug" now.] Eric, Taevy, and I started in on making the mugs while my mom and Bright scrubbed down the kitchen cabinets and windows. Eric and I ran to meet the pastor to give him the mugs, and then my mom headed out for a long 3 hour drive by herself, all the way home to Wichita.

Oh--I forgot to mention that Eric was WONDERFUL and did laundry non-stop today! We kept making more as we cleaned, and he kept washing. Because of his vision he can't do lots of the deep cleaning stuff, but he kept busy and contributed a lot none-the-less.

Tomorrow should be much more laid back. We just have our regular every day cleaning stuff to do before the SW shows up on Monday morning.

It's 8:30 and I can barely keep my eyes open. I'm about to give in to the exhaustion, as I know my body needs more rest than normal so it can heal.

God is good, all the time.

A
P.S. The verse at the top...I wrote to my pastor asking him to pray for us because we have been under such "attack" lately. He responded with that verse, which I thought was so appropriate considering last night's "flood" at the house! Oh--the house almost caught on fire this morning. A nightlight incident. Thank you LORD for protecting us there. We have a hole burned through Samren's bedroom carpet, but thankfully nothing worse.

When it rains...

So I was just getting on to write about how my mom was coming down to save the day, when another "unfortunate" event took place. Since the DAY we decided to adopt Kendi Mae something has been "wrong" in our house. First Eric had a stomach flu. Then Taevy. Then I got this really nasty bug that has had me down since Monday. Taevy came down with it yesterday. Everybody is stressed and tired and/or sick. Eric appears to be coming down with the same bug Taevy and I have. And just now, as I was getting on to write about how at least my mom was coming down to help us clean and get ready for the homestudy, I heard kr-plack, kr-plack, kr-plack!

"What's that sound? What's that SOUND?! Oh no!" I ran into the kitchen, looked up, and saw the water dripping through our ceiling. This happened once before in this house. A sink in the upstairs bathroom overflowed and the water came down through the ceiling. Guess what I was going to spend time repairing this weekend? Yep! The water marks and dripped-through ceiling from three years ago (yes, I am a procrastinator).

This time the culprit is the toilet. It overflowed and somehow the water goes from our tiled bathroom floor down into the ceiling of our kitchen, and on through.

So, there is no way I can repair and repaint the kitchen ceiling before the homestudy interview--now that it is wet and soggy again. The SW will walk in and see the stained drippy ceiling. Add to it that now we are going to have some sort of plumbing bill, which will come directly out of the little money we do have to go forward with the adoption.

I have never been so sure that we are on the right track to adopt Kendi. Such attacks! So obvious! I'll let you know when someone has to go to the ER. In the meantime, prayers are appreciated!!!! Our SW is a Christian, so hopefully she will see the humor in all of this happening since the day we said "yes" to this adoption.

Anita

Change of Plans

We're still adopting--breath! ;-) Gotcha, didn't I?

Well, it's official. I am sick as a DOG! I even went to the doctor. Not strep. Not the flu. Some other "really nasty" throat thing. He's not sure if it is viral or bacterial, but he said my throat looks like "hamburger." Lovely image, right? He said it will be at least 48 hours until I begin to feel better.

At the moment I am pumped up with 3 different kinds of medicine. I even broke out the "big" pain pills I have from when I had a tooth pulled. So I'm in a window when I actually feel like sitting up and writing to you all! Still, I have common sense. If it will be Friday before I feel any better, the walls will NOT be painted in time for a Monday homestudy visit.

I cried. But common sense prevailed. I called our SW and told her we needed to reschedule. I was shooting for a week later. But SHE didn't want to reschedule. Seems that she has planned a whole day in Tulsa round our homestudy visit (she's driving from 2 hours away). So what did I do? I caved and told her the truth. I told her that my walls were covered in kid writing and I wouldn't have time to paint before Monday.

She laughed! She said, "Anita, I raised 4 boys. Do you think my walls don't have writing on them?! Just keep the hall ligh off when I walk upstairs!"

So this is our truce. She will "get" to come on Monday like she wants, but she will look the other way at writing on the walls and dust bunnies in the corners. The pressure is off! [Well, not really. But she wants it to be. I will still be a mess and work as much as I can to make the house perfect.]

Homestudy Checklist

[Sorry. This is just for my own use. Recording things for prosperity!]

Employment and Income Verification
3 reference letters
all family members need letter by doctor--good health and free of communicable diseases
OSBI background check
Child Abuse Clearance
Copy of Insurance Card
Letter from Eric's doctor and social worker supporting adoption
Homestudy Visit: 8am Monday, February 23rd.

Monday is D-Day!!!!!!

Oh my word. It's getting real! The Social Worker comes on Monday for the interview! Our homestudy could be done in as little as four weeks!

So...who is going to volunteer to come and help me paint this weekend? ACK!!!!

Anita

Rag Head

See? She must have known mommy needed pics that didn't show her whole face! ;0)

New Pics!

Wow. Our AAI families are so spoiled! With Taevy's adoption we got a referral photo (her passport picture) and an update photo 3 months later. With Samren we got his referral photo, and 1 update photo. With Bright we were more spoiled! We got his referral photo, and (I think) six more photos a few months later. Then I got a photo of him at Christmas. So...8-9 photos from September to March when I met him.

With Kendi Mae I have over 50 photos already!!! Between the ones I took and the photos two adoptive families have taken, we are so spoiled! I always knew the photos were something "extra" that AAI families got that is not as common in other program. But it is better than I knew. It is so cool.

So anyway, we got a bunch of new photos! They aren't the best pics (she never smiles) but just seeing her continue to pudge up is beyond special. There is one very special photo of her being held by Auntie Comfort, whom I adore and know paved the way for our little one to be loved at Eban House. Auntie Comfort was not intimidated by the HIV. She just loved that baby and lead the way for others to get past their fear. Now it's quite obvious that everybody gives Mabel love!

Another thing I laughed at is there are a few photos where Kendi Mae has her face covered by a rag. See? She's already cooperating with Mommy by giving me pics that don't show her face! We can't post a full pic of her until after court, so you will see lots of "partial" pics until that day comes.

I'm off to download them off Snapfish now. Will post some partial pics of our girl later.

Homestudy Time

Well, we're expecting a call from our Social Worker tomorrow to set up a date for the homestudy visit. I want it to come quickly, but I'm also stressed about all there is still to do. We are not "clean" people. My house is very used to dust! When we clean up well the kids ask, "Mom, whose coming over?" LOL!

This weekend we cleaned up the kids' rooms really well and got everything vacuumed. But the floors upstairs still look horrible from spills and markers and who knows what else. We were going to try to clean them ourselves but with everything else still to do, we decided to pay a little and have the upstairs floors cleaned professionally. They come tomorrow!

That leaves the walls and the backyard as far as "big" projects go. We are not gardeners. Our front yard is always well kept but beyond mowing we really don't worry about the backyard. It is kid and dog territory. Let's just say it is "well used." I've got the kids outside right now with the goal of filling up two bags of old toys, trash, and branches.

In three adoptions our SW has never set foot in the backyard, so I'm hoping that tradition will hold true. She hates dogs (of which we always have one in the backyard when she comes). She has also never set foot into the garage, or opened a closet. Still, I will clean out the garage and re-fold the linen closet just in case!

The walls. OH MY! Our big kids went through that "writing on the wall" stage in this house. I don't know. Maybe you all are such great parents that your kids never dared do this, but our kids TOTALLY did!!! It didn't help matters that their rooms are upstairs and ours is downstairs--so there was definitely time to do it when adult eyes wouldn't see. The walls are way beyond just being able to scrub. So added to my "before homestudy visit" list is to paint the stairwell, upstairs hall, and 2 of 3 bedrooms. [Now you know why we are paying someone to do the floors!]

All of this would be made so much easier if I didn't currently have "the crud." Not sure what name the crud might take. It hit hard today. Fever, horrible headache, sore throat, lots of drainage. I hope it isn't THE flu and is just a little bug instead. Regardless, I don't have time for this!!! =-)

Anita

A Happy Hubby?

Okay, my husband has been overtaken with some happier version of his true self! The transformation in him since he decided we should go forward with Kendi Mae's adoption is very apparent. He is just...happy. He seems light and free, like there is nothing weighing him down.

It is so fun seeing him like this. He has gone from not knowing whether we should adopt again, to REALLY being into it! He likes talking about Kendi Mae. He liked picking out clothes for her. He is even totally in to how we will continue to budget, fundraise, and grant-write for the rest of the adoption expenses.

During Bright's adoption Eric had a lot of his own stuff going on (getting ready to go on dialysis). And when things got bad with our agency, Eric was so beaten down. He hated it. He hated the process and just wanted to get Bright home so he could put international adoption behind us forever.

But this time he seems to be enjoying things much more. Maybe it's because he knows this will be his last baby? Maybe the Lord has done a work in his heart that has truly allowed Eric to let go of the fears he had? I don't know. But I sure do like this happy hubby I've got!!

Disclosure

I bet this post is not going to be about what you think it is going to be about. One of the biggest struggles most people have in adopting an HIV+ child is whether or not to disclose. Eric and I are in complete agreement in that arena--for another post. But what I'm finding more difficult than HIV disclosure is #4 disclosure! Seriously friends. People are having a hard time excepting that we are going to have a fourth child than they are with the fact that the fourth child happens to be HIV+.

We were supposed to get together we Eric's family today (for my b-day) but Taevy has the stomach flu and it was canceled. We had planned to make our adoption announcement today, and disclose Kendi Mae's HIV status (just Eric's parents and sister/bil). Since the get-together was canceled, we decided to call Eric's sis and give her the news.

First, it's kind of stupid to try to give adoption news when you post it on your (public) blog and they see it! So they knew. But they didn't know any details, nor did they call to congratulate, or even to talk to us about it. Red flag #1. Eric's sister had a very luke warm response to the news that we were adopting again.

She actually said, "You can't even take care of the ones you have and now. How are you going to pay for another one?!" Ouch. First of all, our children are very well cared for. We may not meet the world's standards in the "thing" category. Our kids don't have a DS. Our kids don't have tons of outside activities. We take joy in buying things second-hand. We don't get to go on Disnleyworld vacations every year. And Eric and I are fine with that. We have all of our needs, and some of our wants. That is pretty darn good when you look at the rest of the struggling world. We are blessed!

My sister in law continued by digging into whether we were going into debt for this adoption, how we were going to pay for it, had we thought about if we could care for her after she got home, etc.. Hello? Is this your business? Those questions have all been thought about an answered in ways that Eric and I feel comfortable with. That's all she needs to know.

I expected folks not to support us this adoption. But I expected it to be more about the HIV than the fact that we were bringing a fourth child home. Wrong--at least so far.

It kind of sucks. The only people TRULY excited for us are folks at our church, and folks within the adoption community. In those communities kids are actually a blessing and four isn't too many! Heck--within the adoption community 4 kids is still a pretty small family!

All of the luke warm responses are good for me to get used to though. I've got to get used to the fact that nobody is going to want to give us a shower. That's pretty typical once you get to 4 kids. Nobody is going to be as giddy and excited as we are. I've got to toughen up I guess. Obviously I wasn't meant to take an "easy" path in life. If I wanted it easy I wouldn't be married to who I'm married to, and I wouldn't have any of my kids. Yep. Hard is good. Hard is what I know. =-)

Anita

Baldy

See! I told you she was bald! She was completely bald when she came into care, and is now growing wispy reddish hair. I'm sure some day it will be thick and healthy. Can't wait to do her hair (remind me of that 2 years from now when it is a constant struggle)!

First Purchase

So, this is a big deal to me--every time. The first thing I buy for a child I am planning to adopt. Tonight Eric and I went to Target and purchased our first items for Kendi Mae. It's not any big deal really. But SO FUN to be buying things in the toddler girl section again! It's been 7 years since I've done that, and it is so much funner to buy things for baby girls than baby boys. I'm sorry--but it is. Baby girl stuff is just cuter.

We bought her two little dresses, and a shorts outfit. By weight, she is just in 6/9 month clothing, but I couldn't make myself buy stuff THAT small. We bought her size 24 months and it still seems so tiny.

I can't officially send her any gifts. After all, she's not even referred to us! But I can send a little donation box of girly clothes that I know will fit a certain little person. She is wearing almost all boy clothes right now. Poor baby. She's bald and already looks like a boy. She needs some help! So we'll have to throw a packet of bows in there too. ;-)

P.S. The coloring in this photos is way off. Not sure what happened. They are cuter in person.

Her Name

I know this is a controversial subject. To name or not to name? That is the question. For Eric and I, the decision has always been "to name." It's important for us to know that we gave our child their name. We also thing receiving a new name is symbolic for receiving a new life. Lots of folks in the bible received new names after stepping into a new area of their lives.

At the same time, it has always been important for us to keep a portion of our child's original name. This is all very easy when adopting infants, but gets more complicated when adopting a child who is used to hearing their name and knows their name. Both Bright and Mabel were/are old enough to know their name.

We planned to give Bright the name "Brighton." But it never stuck. He was just Bright. So while we did give him a new middle name, we also chose to keep his first name.

With Mabel...well...MABEL! Most people think of little old crotchety ladies when we think of that name (my lady is Jewish, how about yours?). The name is endearing to me because of a show I used to watch where they named their baby Mabel because "Mothers Always Bring Extra Love." Still...Taevy, Samren, Bright, and.... Mabel! It doesn't really "fit" with our family. If it were only my decision I would at least keep Mabel as a middle name. But of course this is a partnership venture!

So Mabel's name will be Kendi Mae Anadane Gillispie. Kendi is a Swahili name that we have loved for years and means "The loved one." Mae will be short for Mabel, which means "My beautiful one." Anadane is Mabel's last name and her father's first name. We don't have a meaning.

One of the things we didn't do with Bright was call him by his new name (Brighton) until very late in the process. By that time Bright was just Bright! And when it came down to it we could never make his chosen name stick.

I feel conflicted about what to call Mabel right now, and on this blog. I've met her and I love her as Mabel. But I know we will give her a first new name. And by "claiming" her in word as well as deed, by calling her her new name, it seems to me that we are putting ourselves "all in" for this adoption. Mabel is a child in Ghana. Kendi is a child who will join our family.

Please forgive me if we're making a decision that makes you feel uncomfortable. I know other families have done that to me before--when I thought they were taking away a BEAUTIFUL name from a child and replacing it without thought. I can promise that we aren't replacing Mabel's name without thought.

I will probably start trying to call her Kendi Mae on this blog, and in my every day life. In some circles she will be Mabel until she comes home. But this is my spot to be completely me--my friends and family.

So, that's that! =-)
P.S. Eric cane up with her name. That is so special to me. He chose her name on my birthday, even before he had decided whether or not to adopt her. I have always come up with the name for our other children.

It hasn't started, but it's started!

Oh, the joys and frustrations of adoption! Nothing has even officially started yet but I'm already frustrated with delays! =-) One of our employees was to go to Mabel's village LAST Thursday. Then it was Friday (nobody showed up at the bus station). He finally did leave on Monday and was expected back on Tuesday night. Nope. It's Friday and he "might" be home tonight. This is how it goes in Ghana all of the time. There's always this delay or that. Something that should take a day takes a few weeks.

I caught myself feeling frustrated (already) this morning and had to laugh about it. How did the paperwork go? Were there any problems? Did the family change their mind? Did they get pictures? Yep--I'm just a typical adoptive parent, with the typical lack of control!

YES!

Well, it is the "day after" and I'm still not sure the "yes" has sunk in yet. Last night after Eric said yes to adopting Mabel I felt such huge relief in ever corner of my being that my body LITERALLY felt completely exhausted. It was like I had been carrying some weight around for weeks and it was finally lifted. I couldn't keep my eyes open and plopped into bed a little after nine o'clock (super early for me).

Today I feel much the same way but I know I don't have time to feel that way! I've got things to do!! What a happy exhaustion.

It will be weird to adopt through the program I run. I know that there are certain families in my program that are right now wondering if I am going to get special treatment. Well, yes! Kind of. In a way??? I mean, I will have the opportunity to do a quick check on "my" kiddo just about every day when I'm talking to my Ghana staff. That's a perk! I won't have to wait for a phone call from my adoption coordinator when we pass court, or when her passport is done. That's a perk!

Beyond those things, I'm pretty much in it like everybody else. Same fees as everybody else. [Yes, Eric and I will be paying AAI for my own services!] I'll have the same worries about my baby's health and day to day life that everybody else has. We don't get the referral until the homestudy is complete and she is referral ready--just like everybody else.

There is no absolute guarentee we get to adopt her. But there is nobody in the AAI program that is in any way open to adopting an HIV+ child (except for one other family whose child is already identified). So in that way, there is no reason why we should NOT get the referral. Our hearts are out of order (wanting to adopt HER before she's ready and we are ready) but it should all work out fine. If all goes well we should have the official referral within 6 weeks or so.

This blog: I'm keeping this blog private. If you're reading this it's because I consider you a friend and I trust you. There are going to be things written here that I don't necessarily want all AAI famlies to know. I want our adoption to be OUR adoption--not "the AAI lady who is adopting." It is personal and emotion for me just like it is every other family who adopts. Some AAI families "get" that, but some won't. I don't know how it's all going to play out. Maybe there will be some huge benefit to being my own adoption coordinator? Maybe there will be some sort of "special treatment" that I receive? I don't know. I just know that I don't what to create jealousy or strife with my AAI families, so this needs to be seperate.

Tick Tock

Why does 24 hours seem so far away? I know it's not, but it seems like an eternity right now. Eric is so sick with a stomach flu and needs me to "give him a day" to come up with an answer about Mabel. I'm sorry, but at this point it's really hard for me to understand how he can still NOT being saying yes. Even half delarious (or however you spell that word) this would be a no brainer for me.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be a man. I think I could make some adoption-happy woman a good hubby. I'd be all like, "Sure we can adopt honey! We'll just trust the Lord to provide!" And she'd be all like, "Wow honey! You are so unlike the other gal's husbands. They all say no to more kids because it's so expensive. But you don't let yourself get weighed down with all of that financial responsibility crap!"

Okay, not really. If I were a man I'd probably be like Eric--because most men are like Eric. Most guys don't jump on the "more kids" band wagon as easily as us women do. I love my guy. But I'm frustrated with his fears and lack of faith right now. I wish he would just jump and then have a great time falling with me until the Lord catches us.

The Fleece

Oh. My. Gosh. A foundation just offered to give us a grant for Mabel's adoption!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I didn't know about this foundation. I didn't solicit them. They called a friend of mine today and asked if she knew of a family who could use the grant money. She said our name hit her like a "lightening bolt."

I am beside myself. Could there be a more clear sign from God that we are supposed to adopt Mabel? We asked God to "drop money from the sky" if we were supposed to adopt her. And He has done it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Eric is home sick today (stomach flu) and knows about this. He knows how I feel. I know without a shadow of a doubt that if we didn't walk forward at this point, we would be walking directly and deliberately OUTSIDE of God's will.

I also know it was the RIGHT thing to do to submit when Eric said no last time. I will do that again this time, if he says no. It will be harder though--but I can do it through Christ!

Eric has asked me to let him pray about it again. So I'm waiting. This time I'm waiting for HIM to submit to the Lord, just as I am supposed to submit to him.