Adoption is hard. I didn't forget that in the last few years since we adopted, but I haven't FELT it the same way as when I'm going through it myself.
There is such a range of emotions. Such complicated feelings. When it's good it's really good, but when things are bad they feel very bad. Everything comes in its most extreme form.
There was a bulletin put out on the US Embassy of Ghana website that said from now on they will not make visa appointments until 6-8 weeks AFTER I-600 approval. When I break that down, here's what I get:
**File I-600.
**Wait 2-3 weeks for approval
**Then wait 6-8 weeks for the consulate to give you a visa appointment
**1-2 weeks to actually get the visa.
It breaks down to a 3 month wait between I-600 submission and visa issuance. That is totally unacceptable. There will be a fight over this. Folks at the state department will hear about this.
My professional side is saying, "It will be fine. We'll fight this and win." My mommy side just wants to freak out and cry because this could add so much time until Kendi Mae could come home.
I have learned in the last week that common ailments in Ghana--like chicken pox and malaria--can really put my baby's life at risk. She's doing so great right now, but it seems that behind every new day is the risk that something could get her and potentially kill her. I want her here so she can be safe. Or at the least I wish there was a way we could protect her from getting malaria and chicken pox while she's there.
Just hold on baby girl. We'll get you home as soon as we can.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Friday, February 27, 2009
Just lucky?
I think not!
Today I filled out our I-600a, added the supporting documents, cover letter, check, and neatly folded it all into an envelope. I addressed it, stamped it, prayed over it, and put it on the mail box.
About two hours later--right before the mailman came--I was walking through the house and stepped on the check addressed to USCIS! Holy moley.
Thank you Lord for letting me find that check before the I-600a went out! I was able to put it all in a new envelope WITH the check before the mailman came around the corner.
Protected, not lucky.
Anita
Today I filled out our I-600a, added the supporting documents, cover letter, check, and neatly folded it all into an envelope. I addressed it, stamped it, prayed over it, and put it on the mail box.
About two hours later--right before the mailman came--I was walking through the house and stepped on the check addressed to USCIS! Holy moley.
Thank you Lord for letting me find that check before the I-600a went out! I was able to put it all in a new envelope WITH the check before the mailman came around the corner.
Protected, not lucky.
Anita
Friday, Feb 27th
Oh! I just realized why I kept thinking today was significant for some reason. It was 8 years ago today that we got news that Taevy's adoption went through in Cambodia. Seriously, one of the happiest days of my life thus far. The day I became a mommy.
So I'm gathering from no comments on my last post that my "best case scenario" is a total pie in the sky hope and you all are trying to be nice to me by not saying so. It's true. Something will definitely happen to slow us up. I really need to just hope she's home for Christmas. But I guess I'm a glutton for punishment. I tell every parent I work with never to think in terms of the best case scenario and here I am doing the exact same thing. When August arrives and Kendi Mae isn't home you all will have to pick me up off the floor because of my huge disappointment. Oh well.
This has been an incredibly difficult week as far as my work goes. Just so many sad things to take in. I hate calling families to give bad news. And this week was a bad news, followed by bad news, followed by bad news, sort of week. Next week must get better.
Despite the very long work hours and Ghana-related emotional stuff I dealt with this week, we were relatively successful at continuing with our adoption progress.
The I-600a and AAI application is in the mail. Feels good.
Still waiting on Eric's employment letter, one reference letter, the Kidney Social Worker letter, and doctor's statements for the kiddos. Then we'll have all of our homestudy stuff collected and can send it in to her. It will feel good to get that out.
Anita
So I'm gathering from no comments on my last post that my "best case scenario" is a total pie in the sky hope and you all are trying to be nice to me by not saying so. It's true. Something will definitely happen to slow us up. I really need to just hope she's home for Christmas. But I guess I'm a glutton for punishment. I tell every parent I work with never to think in terms of the best case scenario and here I am doing the exact same thing. When August arrives and Kendi Mae isn't home you all will have to pick me up off the floor because of my huge disappointment. Oh well.
This has been an incredibly difficult week as far as my work goes. Just so many sad things to take in. I hate calling families to give bad news. And this week was a bad news, followed by bad news, followed by bad news, sort of week. Next week must get better.
Despite the very long work hours and Ghana-related emotional stuff I dealt with this week, we were relatively successful at continuing with our adoption progress.
The I-600a and AAI application is in the mail. Feels good.
Still waiting on Eric's employment letter, one reference letter, the Kidney Social Worker letter, and doctor's statements for the kiddos. Then we'll have all of our homestudy stuff collected and can send it in to her. It will feel good to get that out.
Anita
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Best Case Scenario
Here is the best case scenario as far as timeline goes for Kendi Mae's adoption.
I-600a MAILED: February 27, 2009
HOMESTUDY COMPLETE: April 1, 2009
ACCEPT REFERRAL: April 1, 2009
HOMESTUDY ACCEPTED BY USCIS: April 15, 2009
DOSSIER IN GHANA: April 15, 2009
USCIS FINGERPRINTING: by end of April, 2009
GO TO COURT: by end of May 2009
COURT DECREE ISSUED: mid-June 2009
I-600a APPROVED: mid-June 2009 (although I am going to pull out all the stopps and beg for expedited approval because of KM's health status).
TRAVEL FOR I-600 SUBMISSION: end of June, 2009
HOME WITH KENDI MAY: end of July, 2009
Yes, at this point I am thinking about going for one trip. Not just for Kendi, but for ALL of our HIV+ kids, we are going to request expedited I-600 processing. DHS has indicated in the past that they are able to expedite when in the best interest of the child. So I'm HOPING 5-7 business days for I-600 approval. Then I'm HOPING for a week turnaround for the HIV Waiver process. Then I'm planning on 1.5 to 2 weeks to get the visa, although we'll ask for expedited visa processing for HIV+ kiddos too.
Reality is that if the best case scenario has her coming home at the end of July, I really need to be hoping for her to be home before the OU-TX game (October)! I really do think she'll be home before the holidays, which will be so wonderful.
Anita
I-600a MAILED: February 27, 2009
HOMESTUDY COMPLETE: April 1, 2009
ACCEPT REFERRAL: April 1, 2009
HOMESTUDY ACCEPTED BY USCIS: April 15, 2009
DOSSIER IN GHANA: April 15, 2009
USCIS FINGERPRINTING: by end of April, 2009
GO TO COURT: by end of May 2009
COURT DECREE ISSUED: mid-June 2009
I-600a APPROVED: mid-June 2009 (although I am going to pull out all the stopps and beg for expedited approval because of KM's health status).
TRAVEL FOR I-600 SUBMISSION: end of June, 2009
HOME WITH KENDI MAY: end of July, 2009
Yes, at this point I am thinking about going for one trip. Not just for Kendi, but for ALL of our HIV+ kids, we are going to request expedited I-600 processing. DHS has indicated in the past that they are able to expedite when in the best interest of the child. So I'm HOPING 5-7 business days for I-600 approval. Then I'm HOPING for a week turnaround for the HIV Waiver process. Then I'm planning on 1.5 to 2 weeks to get the visa, although we'll ask for expedited visa processing for HIV+ kiddos too.
Reality is that if the best case scenario has her coming home at the end of July, I really need to be hoping for her to be home before the OU-TX game (October)! I really do think she'll be home before the holidays, which will be so wonderful.
Anita
Making a List, Checking it Twice
We decided to adopt Kendi Mae on February 11, 2009. Two weeks ago tomorrow. I wouldn't say things are going at lightening speed, but they are going and it feels good to check things of "the list" each day! I'm using the blog to keep track of things, and also just to record progress for the sake of prosperity. And...just because it makes me feel better to see it typed out!
Here's what's been accomplished in the last 2 weeks:
*Official grant application out to foundation who is planning to give us a grant.
*Application filled out for AAI. Still need to mail it (getting stamps tonight).
*Homestudy medicals done for Anita.
*Homestudy medicals done for Eric.
*Dossier medicals done for Anita.
*Dossier medicals done for Eric.
*Extra "support" letter from Kidney Specialist done.
*Child abuse clearance requests mailed.
*2 of 3 reference letters are in.
*Anita's employment letter received.
*Homestudy visit DONE.
Next in line for completion:
*Letter of support from Eric's Kidney Team Social Worker (complete next week).
*Eric's employment letter and income verification (later this week).
*Anita's income verification (next week).
*Oklahoma Criminal Background checks (tomorrow).
*Kids homestudy medical statements (shooting for Friday).
*I-600a (shooting for Friday).
The goal is to get our packet of supporting homestudy documents out by end of next week. The Kidney SW's letter will probably be last to come in. The child abuse clearances take up to 4 weeks here in OK, so that will be the LAST thing that comes in for our homestudy. I'm praying that she will have it ready to go when that clearance comes back!
Anita
Here's what's been accomplished in the last 2 weeks:
*Official grant application out to foundation who is planning to give us a grant.
*Application filled out for AAI. Still need to mail it (getting stamps tonight).
*Homestudy medicals done for Anita.
*Homestudy medicals done for Eric.
*Dossier medicals done for Anita.
*Dossier medicals done for Eric.
*Extra "support" letter from Kidney Specialist done.
*Child abuse clearance requests mailed.
*2 of 3 reference letters are in.
*Anita's employment letter received.
*Homestudy visit DONE.
Next in line for completion:
*Letter of support from Eric's Kidney Team Social Worker (complete next week).
*Eric's employment letter and income verification (later this week).
*Anita's income verification (next week).
*Oklahoma Criminal Background checks (tomorrow).
*Kids homestudy medical statements (shooting for Friday).
*I-600a (shooting for Friday).
The goal is to get our packet of supporting homestudy documents out by end of next week. The Kidney SW's letter will probably be last to come in. The child abuse clearances take up to 4 weeks here in OK, so that will be the LAST thing that comes in for our homestudy. I'm praying that she will have it ready to go when that clearance comes back!
Anita
Monday, February 23, 2009
Kids Walking Kids Home
**I posted this (below) on my other blog, but couldn't be as open about it as I can be here. We haven't quite decided how open we are going to be with our church about Kendi Mae's status and I'm just not quite ready to come out to the public blog world yet.
Anyway, I wanted to mention that Eric and I do plan to do fundraising for Kendi Mae's adoption through "From HIV to Home." We hope to do a full scale "walk-a-thon"--possibly with another adoptive family in our church! And we are going to open a "grant account" (for lack of a better word) with From HIV to Home as well--so that should someone feel led to make a tax deductible donation towards our adoption, they can. Kendi Mae will be one of the kids someone could "walk" for. But I also want to put a word out for a very good friend of mine who is in the same position as us when it comes to adoption funds--hurting! I don't think she is "out" in bloggy world either, but write to me if you want to walk for her future little one! ***
Have you all heard of Kids Walking Kids Home? This is a fantastic and unique way to bring awareness to the possibility of adopting an HIV+ child while at the same time supporting a family who is adopting an HIV+ child!
It's kind of like a modified "walk-a-thon." Basically, you contact KWKH and they will send you a fundraising kid complete with cute red bucket! The idea is that you get your kids involved in the process of helping an HIV+ child "come home" to America. The kids take donations for 2-3 weeks (donations are tax deductible). At the end of the donation collection time they make a statement in your community by simply taking a walk with their red bucket in hand. Maybe they receive more donations during their walk? But even if not, they are bringing awareness to the need for people to adopt HIV+ children here and around the globe.
May 7th is Wolrd AIDS Orphan Day. Wouldn't that be a great day to do this all across the country?! Kids Walking Kids Home is a program sponsored by From HIV to Home. The coolest thing (I think) is that if you know of a family adopting an HIV+ child, you can do the walk specifically for that family/child. The funds you raise are then given as a grant to the family who is trying to adopt that child!I think that this is something our family will try to take part in on May 7th. Such a great way to give a small blessing to another family, while at the same time bringing awareness to "positive" adoptions!
Anita
Anyway, I wanted to mention that Eric and I do plan to do fundraising for Kendi Mae's adoption through "From HIV to Home." We hope to do a full scale "walk-a-thon"--possibly with another adoptive family in our church! And we are going to open a "grant account" (for lack of a better word) with From HIV to Home as well--so that should someone feel led to make a tax deductible donation towards our adoption, they can. Kendi Mae will be one of the kids someone could "walk" for. But I also want to put a word out for a very good friend of mine who is in the same position as us when it comes to adoption funds--hurting! I don't think she is "out" in bloggy world either, but write to me if you want to walk for her future little one! ***
Have you all heard of Kids Walking Kids Home? This is a fantastic and unique way to bring awareness to the possibility of adopting an HIV+ child while at the same time supporting a family who is adopting an HIV+ child!
It's kind of like a modified "walk-a-thon." Basically, you contact KWKH and they will send you a fundraising kid complete with cute red bucket! The idea is that you get your kids involved in the process of helping an HIV+ child "come home" to America. The kids take donations for 2-3 weeks (donations are tax deductible). At the end of the donation collection time they make a statement in your community by simply taking a walk with their red bucket in hand. Maybe they receive more donations during their walk? But even if not, they are bringing awareness to the need for people to adopt HIV+ children here and around the globe.
May 7th is Wolrd AIDS Orphan Day. Wouldn't that be a great day to do this all across the country?! Kids Walking Kids Home is a program sponsored by From HIV to Home. The coolest thing (I think) is that if you know of a family adopting an HIV+ child, you can do the walk specifically for that family/child. The funds you raise are then given as a grant to the family who is trying to adopt that child!I think that this is something our family will try to take part in on May 7th. Such a great way to give a small blessing to another family, while at the same time bringing awareness to "positive" adoptions!
Anita
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Enemy like a flood...
"When the enemy comes in like a flood, the Spirit of the Lord will raise up a standard against it!"
What. A. Day. A good, hard, long, rewarding, exhausting day. My mom came in like a woman possessed and helped us whip the house into shape!
First we scrubbed the walls. Did you know that Windex is awesome for wall scrubbing (and all sorts of other cleaning)? My mom heard it from some friends and we put it to the test today. Windex kicked Magic Eraser's butt! I cannot believe how much better my walls look. I thought only painting would take away all of the writing on the walls, but Windex and elbow grease did the job.
Next the upstairs (kid) bathroom was scrubbed from top to bottom. We got down with toothbrush-like scrubbing brushes and went tile to tile, grout line to grout line. I always neglect that bathroom since it is upstairs in "kid world." My mom made me promise to give it more attention from now on. ;-)
It was downstairs for a quick lunch before I tackled the water stains on the kitchen ceiling. The sink overflowed soon after we moved in 3 years ago and we never got around to repairing the ceiling. We found this stuff at Lowe's that was made for the express purpose of covering water stains on ceilings! So despite the flood we had LAST NIGHT my kitchen ceiling looks a thousand times better. And it took 10 minutes and less than $10 to fix. I still have to spackle and "re-popcorn" one area, but I doubt our SW will even notice that area.
Back upstairs where my mom tackled the linen closet while I tried not to collapse. I was so tired by this point. This stupid bug has just really taken it out of me (although I am on the mend now). Four bags of linen donated to charity later, my linen closet actually holds all of my linens without stuffing!
By this time it was late afternoon. We make the welcome mugs (new visitor gifts) for our church. We had 15 to make for tomorrow morning, but I already know we are too sick to go to church tomorrow. [Eric and Bright are down with "the bug" now.] Eric, Taevy, and I started in on making the mugs while my mom and Bright scrubbed down the kitchen cabinets and windows. Eric and I ran to meet the pastor to give him the mugs, and then my mom headed out for a long 3 hour drive by herself, all the way home to Wichita.
Oh--I forgot to mention that Eric was WONDERFUL and did laundry non-stop today! We kept making more as we cleaned, and he kept washing. Because of his vision he can't do lots of the deep cleaning stuff, but he kept busy and contributed a lot none-the-less.
Tomorrow should be much more laid back. We just have our regular every day cleaning stuff to do before the SW shows up on Monday morning.
It's 8:30 and I can barely keep my eyes open. I'm about to give in to the exhaustion, as I know my body needs more rest than normal so it can heal.
God is good, all the time.
A
P.S. The verse at the top...I wrote to my pastor asking him to pray for us because we have been under such "attack" lately. He responded with that verse, which I thought was so appropriate considering last night's "flood" at the house! Oh--the house almost caught on fire this morning. A nightlight incident. Thank you LORD for protecting us there. We have a hole burned through Samren's bedroom carpet, but thankfully nothing worse.
What. A. Day. A good, hard, long, rewarding, exhausting day. My mom came in like a woman possessed and helped us whip the house into shape!
First we scrubbed the walls. Did you know that Windex is awesome for wall scrubbing (and all sorts of other cleaning)? My mom heard it from some friends and we put it to the test today. Windex kicked Magic Eraser's butt! I cannot believe how much better my walls look. I thought only painting would take away all of the writing on the walls, but Windex and elbow grease did the job.
Next the upstairs (kid) bathroom was scrubbed from top to bottom. We got down with toothbrush-like scrubbing brushes and went tile to tile, grout line to grout line. I always neglect that bathroom since it is upstairs in "kid world." My mom made me promise to give it more attention from now on. ;-)
It was downstairs for a quick lunch before I tackled the water stains on the kitchen ceiling. The sink overflowed soon after we moved in 3 years ago and we never got around to repairing the ceiling. We found this stuff at Lowe's that was made for the express purpose of covering water stains on ceilings! So despite the flood we had LAST NIGHT my kitchen ceiling looks a thousand times better. And it took 10 minutes and less than $10 to fix. I still have to spackle and "re-popcorn" one area, but I doubt our SW will even notice that area.
Back upstairs where my mom tackled the linen closet while I tried not to collapse. I was so tired by this point. This stupid bug has just really taken it out of me (although I am on the mend now). Four bags of linen donated to charity later, my linen closet actually holds all of my linens without stuffing!
By this time it was late afternoon. We make the welcome mugs (new visitor gifts) for our church. We had 15 to make for tomorrow morning, but I already know we are too sick to go to church tomorrow. [Eric and Bright are down with "the bug" now.] Eric, Taevy, and I started in on making the mugs while my mom and Bright scrubbed down the kitchen cabinets and windows. Eric and I ran to meet the pastor to give him the mugs, and then my mom headed out for a long 3 hour drive by herself, all the way home to Wichita.
Oh--I forgot to mention that Eric was WONDERFUL and did laundry non-stop today! We kept making more as we cleaned, and he kept washing. Because of his vision he can't do lots of the deep cleaning stuff, but he kept busy and contributed a lot none-the-less.
Tomorrow should be much more laid back. We just have our regular every day cleaning stuff to do before the SW shows up on Monday morning.
It's 8:30 and I can barely keep my eyes open. I'm about to give in to the exhaustion, as I know my body needs more rest than normal so it can heal.
God is good, all the time.
A
P.S. The verse at the top...I wrote to my pastor asking him to pray for us because we have been under such "attack" lately. He responded with that verse, which I thought was so appropriate considering last night's "flood" at the house! Oh--the house almost caught on fire this morning. A nightlight incident. Thank you LORD for protecting us there. We have a hole burned through Samren's bedroom carpet, but thankfully nothing worse.
Friday, February 20, 2009
When it rains...
So I was just getting on to write about how my mom was coming down to save the day, when another "unfortunate" event took place. Since the DAY we decided to adopt Kendi Mae something has been "wrong" in our house. First Eric had a stomach flu. Then Taevy. Then I got this really nasty bug that has had me down since Monday. Taevy came down with it yesterday. Everybody is stressed and tired and/or sick. Eric appears to be coming down with the same bug Taevy and I have. And just now, as I was getting on to write about how at least my mom was coming down to help us clean and get ready for the homestudy, I heard kr-plack, kr-plack, kr-plack!
"What's that sound? What's that SOUND?! Oh no!" I ran into the kitchen, looked up, and saw the water dripping through our ceiling. This happened once before in this house. A sink in the upstairs bathroom overflowed and the water came down through the ceiling. Guess what I was going to spend time repairing this weekend? Yep! The water marks and dripped-through ceiling from three years ago (yes, I am a procrastinator).
This time the culprit is the toilet. It overflowed and somehow the water goes from our tiled bathroom floor down into the ceiling of our kitchen, and on through.
So, there is no way I can repair and repaint the kitchen ceiling before the homestudy interview--now that it is wet and soggy again. The SW will walk in and see the stained drippy ceiling. Add to it that now we are going to have some sort of plumbing bill, which will come directly out of the little money we do have to go forward with the adoption.
I have never been so sure that we are on the right track to adopt Kendi. Such attacks! So obvious! I'll let you know when someone has to go to the ER. In the meantime, prayers are appreciated!!!! Our SW is a Christian, so hopefully she will see the humor in all of this happening since the day we said "yes" to this adoption.
Anita
"What's that sound? What's that SOUND?! Oh no!" I ran into the kitchen, looked up, and saw the water dripping through our ceiling. This happened once before in this house. A sink in the upstairs bathroom overflowed and the water came down through the ceiling. Guess what I was going to spend time repairing this weekend? Yep! The water marks and dripped-through ceiling from three years ago (yes, I am a procrastinator).
This time the culprit is the toilet. It overflowed and somehow the water goes from our tiled bathroom floor down into the ceiling of our kitchen, and on through.
So, there is no way I can repair and repaint the kitchen ceiling before the homestudy interview--now that it is wet and soggy again. The SW will walk in and see the stained drippy ceiling. Add to it that now we are going to have some sort of plumbing bill, which will come directly out of the little money we do have to go forward with the adoption.
I have never been so sure that we are on the right track to adopt Kendi. Such attacks! So obvious! I'll let you know when someone has to go to the ER. In the meantime, prayers are appreciated!!!! Our SW is a Christian, so hopefully she will see the humor in all of this happening since the day we said "yes" to this adoption.
Anita
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Change of Plans
We're still adopting--breath! ;-) Gotcha, didn't I?
Well, it's official. I am sick as a DOG! I even went to the doctor. Not strep. Not the flu. Some other "really nasty" throat thing. He's not sure if it is viral or bacterial, but he said my throat looks like "hamburger." Lovely image, right? He said it will be at least 48 hours until I begin to feel better.
At the moment I am pumped up with 3 different kinds of medicine. I even broke out the "big" pain pills I have from when I had a tooth pulled. So I'm in a window when I actually feel like sitting up and writing to you all! Still, I have common sense. If it will be Friday before I feel any better, the walls will NOT be painted in time for a Monday homestudy visit.
I cried. But common sense prevailed. I called our SW and told her we needed to reschedule. I was shooting for a week later. But SHE didn't want to reschedule. Seems that she has planned a whole day in Tulsa round our homestudy visit (she's driving from 2 hours away). So what did I do? I caved and told her the truth. I told her that my walls were covered in kid writing and I wouldn't have time to paint before Monday.
She laughed! She said, "Anita, I raised 4 boys. Do you think my walls don't have writing on them?! Just keep the hall ligh off when I walk upstairs!"
So this is our truce. She will "get" to come on Monday like she wants, but she will look the other way at writing on the walls and dust bunnies in the corners. The pressure is off! [Well, not really. But she wants it to be. I will still be a mess and work as much as I can to make the house perfect.]
Well, it's official. I am sick as a DOG! I even went to the doctor. Not strep. Not the flu. Some other "really nasty" throat thing. He's not sure if it is viral or bacterial, but he said my throat looks like "hamburger." Lovely image, right? He said it will be at least 48 hours until I begin to feel better.
At the moment I am pumped up with 3 different kinds of medicine. I even broke out the "big" pain pills I have from when I had a tooth pulled. So I'm in a window when I actually feel like sitting up and writing to you all! Still, I have common sense. If it will be Friday before I feel any better, the walls will NOT be painted in time for a Monday homestudy visit.
I cried. But common sense prevailed. I called our SW and told her we needed to reschedule. I was shooting for a week later. But SHE didn't want to reschedule. Seems that she has planned a whole day in Tulsa round our homestudy visit (she's driving from 2 hours away). So what did I do? I caved and told her the truth. I told her that my walls were covered in kid writing and I wouldn't have time to paint before Monday.
She laughed! She said, "Anita, I raised 4 boys. Do you think my walls don't have writing on them?! Just keep the hall ligh off when I walk upstairs!"
So this is our truce. She will "get" to come on Monday like she wants, but she will look the other way at writing on the walls and dust bunnies in the corners. The pressure is off! [Well, not really. But she wants it to be. I will still be a mess and work as much as I can to make the house perfect.]
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Homestudy Checklist
[Sorry. This is just for my own use. Recording things for prosperity!]
Employment and Income Verification
3 reference letters
all family members need letter by doctor--good health and free of communicable diseases
OSBI background check
Child Abuse Clearance
Copy of Insurance Card
Letter from Eric's doctor and social worker supporting adoption
Homestudy Visit: 8am Monday, February 23rd.
Employment and Income Verification
3 reference letters
all family members need letter by doctor--good health and free of communicable diseases
OSBI background check
Child Abuse Clearance
Copy of Insurance Card
Letter from Eric's doctor and social worker supporting adoption
Homestudy Visit: 8am Monday, February 23rd.
Monday is D-Day!!!!!!
Oh my word. It's getting real! The Social Worker comes on Monday for the interview! Our homestudy could be done in as little as four weeks!
So...who is going to volunteer to come and help me paint this weekend? ACK!!!!
Anita
So...who is going to volunteer to come and help me paint this weekend? ACK!!!!
Anita
Monday, February 16, 2009
New Pics!
Wow. Our AAI families are so spoiled! With Taevy's adoption we got a referral photo (her passport picture) and an update photo 3 months later. With Samren we got his referral photo, and 1 update photo. With Bright we were more spoiled! We got his referral photo, and (I think) six more photos a few months later. Then I got a photo of him at Christmas. So...8-9 photos from September to March when I met him.
With Kendi Mae I have over 50 photos already!!! Between the ones I took and the photos two adoptive families have taken, we are so spoiled! I always knew the photos were something "extra" that AAI families got that is not as common in other program. But it is better than I knew. It is so cool.
So anyway, we got a bunch of new photos! They aren't the best pics (she never smiles) but just seeing her continue to pudge up is beyond special. There is one very special photo of her being held by Auntie Comfort, whom I adore and know paved the way for our little one to be loved at Eban House. Auntie Comfort was not intimidated by the HIV. She just loved that baby and lead the way for others to get past their fear. Now it's quite obvious that everybody gives Mabel love!
Another thing I laughed at is there are a few photos where Kendi Mae has her face covered by a rag. See? She's already cooperating with Mommy by giving me pics that don't show her face! We can't post a full pic of her until after court, so you will see lots of "partial" pics until that day comes.
I'm off to download them off Snapfish now. Will post some partial pics of our girl later.
With Kendi Mae I have over 50 photos already!!! Between the ones I took and the photos two adoptive families have taken, we are so spoiled! I always knew the photos were something "extra" that AAI families got that is not as common in other program. But it is better than I knew. It is so cool.
So anyway, we got a bunch of new photos! They aren't the best pics (she never smiles) but just seeing her continue to pudge up is beyond special. There is one very special photo of her being held by Auntie Comfort, whom I adore and know paved the way for our little one to be loved at Eban House. Auntie Comfort was not intimidated by the HIV. She just loved that baby and lead the way for others to get past their fear. Now it's quite obvious that everybody gives Mabel love!
Another thing I laughed at is there are a few photos where Kendi Mae has her face covered by a rag. See? She's already cooperating with Mommy by giving me pics that don't show her face! We can't post a full pic of her until after court, so you will see lots of "partial" pics until that day comes.
I'm off to download them off Snapfish now. Will post some partial pics of our girl later.
Homestudy Time
Well, we're expecting a call from our Social Worker tomorrow to set up a date for the homestudy visit. I want it to come quickly, but I'm also stressed about all there is still to do. We are not "clean" people. My house is very used to dust! When we clean up well the kids ask, "Mom, whose coming over?" LOL!
This weekend we cleaned up the kids' rooms really well and got everything vacuumed. But the floors upstairs still look horrible from spills and markers and who knows what else. We were going to try to clean them ourselves but with everything else still to do, we decided to pay a little and have the upstairs floors cleaned professionally. They come tomorrow!
That leaves the walls and the backyard as far as "big" projects go. We are not gardeners. Our front yard is always well kept but beyond mowing we really don't worry about the backyard. It is kid and dog territory. Let's just say it is "well used." I've got the kids outside right now with the goal of filling up two bags of old toys, trash, and branches.
In three adoptions our SW has never set foot in the backyard, so I'm hoping that tradition will hold true. She hates dogs (of which we always have one in the backyard when she comes). She has also never set foot into the garage, or opened a closet. Still, I will clean out the garage and re-fold the linen closet just in case!
The walls. OH MY! Our big kids went through that "writing on the wall" stage in this house. I don't know. Maybe you all are such great parents that your kids never dared do this, but our kids TOTALLY did!!! It didn't help matters that their rooms are upstairs and ours is downstairs--so there was definitely time to do it when adult eyes wouldn't see. The walls are way beyond just being able to scrub. So added to my "before homestudy visit" list is to paint the stairwell, upstairs hall, and 2 of 3 bedrooms. [Now you know why we are paying someone to do the floors!]
All of this would be made so much easier if I didn't currently have "the crud." Not sure what name the crud might take. It hit hard today. Fever, horrible headache, sore throat, lots of drainage. I hope it isn't THE flu and is just a little bug instead. Regardless, I don't have time for this!!! =-)
Anita
This weekend we cleaned up the kids' rooms really well and got everything vacuumed. But the floors upstairs still look horrible from spills and markers and who knows what else. We were going to try to clean them ourselves but with everything else still to do, we decided to pay a little and have the upstairs floors cleaned professionally. They come tomorrow!
That leaves the walls and the backyard as far as "big" projects go. We are not gardeners. Our front yard is always well kept but beyond mowing we really don't worry about the backyard. It is kid and dog territory. Let's just say it is "well used." I've got the kids outside right now with the goal of filling up two bags of old toys, trash, and branches.
In three adoptions our SW has never set foot in the backyard, so I'm hoping that tradition will hold true. She hates dogs (of which we always have one in the backyard when she comes). She has also never set foot into the garage, or opened a closet. Still, I will clean out the garage and re-fold the linen closet just in case!
The walls. OH MY! Our big kids went through that "writing on the wall" stage in this house. I don't know. Maybe you all are such great parents that your kids never dared do this, but our kids TOTALLY did!!! It didn't help matters that their rooms are upstairs and ours is downstairs--so there was definitely time to do it when adult eyes wouldn't see. The walls are way beyond just being able to scrub. So added to my "before homestudy visit" list is to paint the stairwell, upstairs hall, and 2 of 3 bedrooms. [Now you know why we are paying someone to do the floors!]
All of this would be made so much easier if I didn't currently have "the crud." Not sure what name the crud might take. It hit hard today. Fever, horrible headache, sore throat, lots of drainage. I hope it isn't THE flu and is just a little bug instead. Regardless, I don't have time for this!!! =-)
Anita
Sunday, February 15, 2009
A Happy Hubby?
Okay, my husband has been overtaken with some happier version of his true self! The transformation in him since he decided we should go forward with Kendi Mae's adoption is very apparent. He is just...happy. He seems light and free, like there is nothing weighing him down.
It is so fun seeing him like this. He has gone from not knowing whether we should adopt again, to REALLY being into it! He likes talking about Kendi Mae. He liked picking out clothes for her. He is even totally in to how we will continue to budget, fundraise, and grant-write for the rest of the adoption expenses.
During Bright's adoption Eric had a lot of his own stuff going on (getting ready to go on dialysis). And when things got bad with our agency, Eric was so beaten down. He hated it. He hated the process and just wanted to get Bright home so he could put international adoption behind us forever.
But this time he seems to be enjoying things much more. Maybe it's because he knows this will be his last baby? Maybe the Lord has done a work in his heart that has truly allowed Eric to let go of the fears he had? I don't know. But I sure do like this happy hubby I've got!!
It is so fun seeing him like this. He has gone from not knowing whether we should adopt again, to REALLY being into it! He likes talking about Kendi Mae. He liked picking out clothes for her. He is even totally in to how we will continue to budget, fundraise, and grant-write for the rest of the adoption expenses.
During Bright's adoption Eric had a lot of his own stuff going on (getting ready to go on dialysis). And when things got bad with our agency, Eric was so beaten down. He hated it. He hated the process and just wanted to get Bright home so he could put international adoption behind us forever.
But this time he seems to be enjoying things much more. Maybe it's because he knows this will be his last baby? Maybe the Lord has done a work in his heart that has truly allowed Eric to let go of the fears he had? I don't know. But I sure do like this happy hubby I've got!!
Disclosure
I bet this post is not going to be about what you think it is going to be about. One of the biggest struggles most people have in adopting an HIV+ child is whether or not to disclose. Eric and I are in complete agreement in that arena--for another post. But what I'm finding more difficult than HIV disclosure is #4 disclosure! Seriously friends. People are having a hard time excepting that we are going to have a fourth child than they are with the fact that the fourth child happens to be HIV+.
We were supposed to get together we Eric's family today (for my b-day) but Taevy has the stomach flu and it was canceled. We had planned to make our adoption announcement today, and disclose Kendi Mae's HIV status (just Eric's parents and sister/bil). Since the get-together was canceled, we decided to call Eric's sis and give her the news.
First, it's kind of stupid to try to give adoption news when you post it on your (public) blog and they see it! So they knew. But they didn't know any details, nor did they call to congratulate, or even to talk to us about it. Red flag #1. Eric's sister had a very luke warm response to the news that we were adopting again.
She actually said, "You can't even take care of the ones you have and now. How are you going to pay for another one?!" Ouch. First of all, our children are very well cared for. We may not meet the world's standards in the "thing" category. Our kids don't have a DS. Our kids don't have tons of outside activities. We take joy in buying things second-hand. We don't get to go on Disnleyworld vacations every year. And Eric and I are fine with that. We have all of our needs, and some of our wants. That is pretty darn good when you look at the rest of the struggling world. We are blessed!
My sister in law continued by digging into whether we were going into debt for this adoption, how we were going to pay for it, had we thought about if we could care for her after she got home, etc.. Hello? Is this your business? Those questions have all been thought about an answered in ways that Eric and I feel comfortable with. That's all she needs to know.
I expected folks not to support us this adoption. But I expected it to be more about the HIV than the fact that we were bringing a fourth child home. Wrong--at least so far.
It kind of sucks. The only people TRULY excited for us are folks at our church, and folks within the adoption community. In those communities kids are actually a blessing and four isn't too many! Heck--within the adoption community 4 kids is still a pretty small family!
All of the luke warm responses are good for me to get used to though. I've got to get used to the fact that nobody is going to want to give us a shower. That's pretty typical once you get to 4 kids. Nobody is going to be as giddy and excited as we are. I've got to toughen up I guess. Obviously I wasn't meant to take an "easy" path in life. If I wanted it easy I wouldn't be married to who I'm married to, and I wouldn't have any of my kids. Yep. Hard is good. Hard is what I know. =-)
Anita
We were supposed to get together we Eric's family today (for my b-day) but Taevy has the stomach flu and it was canceled. We had planned to make our adoption announcement today, and disclose Kendi Mae's HIV status (just Eric's parents and sister/bil). Since the get-together was canceled, we decided to call Eric's sis and give her the news.
First, it's kind of stupid to try to give adoption news when you post it on your (public) blog and they see it! So they knew. But they didn't know any details, nor did they call to congratulate, or even to talk to us about it. Red flag #1. Eric's sister had a very luke warm response to the news that we were adopting again.
She actually said, "You can't even take care of the ones you have and now. How are you going to pay for another one?!" Ouch. First of all, our children are very well cared for. We may not meet the world's standards in the "thing" category. Our kids don't have a DS. Our kids don't have tons of outside activities. We take joy in buying things second-hand. We don't get to go on Disnleyworld vacations every year. And Eric and I are fine with that. We have all of our needs, and some of our wants. That is pretty darn good when you look at the rest of the struggling world. We are blessed!
My sister in law continued by digging into whether we were going into debt for this adoption, how we were going to pay for it, had we thought about if we could care for her after she got home, etc.. Hello? Is this your business? Those questions have all been thought about an answered in ways that Eric and I feel comfortable with. That's all she needs to know.
I expected folks not to support us this adoption. But I expected it to be more about the HIV than the fact that we were bringing a fourth child home. Wrong--at least so far.
It kind of sucks. The only people TRULY excited for us are folks at our church, and folks within the adoption community. In those communities kids are actually a blessing and four isn't too many! Heck--within the adoption community 4 kids is still a pretty small family!
All of the luke warm responses are good for me to get used to though. I've got to get used to the fact that nobody is going to want to give us a shower. That's pretty typical once you get to 4 kids. Nobody is going to be as giddy and excited as we are. I've got to toughen up I guess. Obviously I wasn't meant to take an "easy" path in life. If I wanted it easy I wouldn't be married to who I'm married to, and I wouldn't have any of my kids. Yep. Hard is good. Hard is what I know. =-)
Anita
Friday, February 13, 2009
Baldy
See! I told you she was bald! She was completely bald when she came into care, and is now growing wispy reddish hair. I'm sure some day it will be thick and healthy. Can't wait to do her hair (remind me of that 2 years from now when it is a constant struggle)!
First Purchase
So, this is a big deal to me--every time. The first thing I buy for a child I am planning to adopt. Tonight Eric and I went to Target and purchased our first items for Kendi Mae. It's not any big deal really. But SO FUN to be buying things in the toddler girl section again! It's been 7 years since I've done that, and it is so much funner to buy things for baby girls than baby boys. I'm sorry--but it is. Baby girl stuff is just cuter.
We bought her two little dresses, and a shorts outfit. By weight, she is just in 6/9 month clothing, but I couldn't make myself buy stuff THAT small. We bought her size 24 months and it still seems so tiny.
I can't officially send her any gifts. After all, she's not even referred to us! But I can send a little donation box of girly clothes that I know will fit a certain little person. She is wearing almost all boy clothes right now. Poor baby. She's bald and already looks like a boy. She needs some help! So we'll have to throw a packet of bows in there too. ;-)
P.S. The coloring in this photos is way off. Not sure what happened. They are cuter in person.
Her Name
I know this is a controversial subject. To name or not to name? That is the question. For Eric and I, the decision has always been "to name." It's important for us to know that we gave our child their name. We also thing receiving a new name is symbolic for receiving a new life. Lots of folks in the bible received new names after stepping into a new area of their lives.
At the same time, it has always been important for us to keep a portion of our child's original name. This is all very easy when adopting infants, but gets more complicated when adopting a child who is used to hearing their name and knows their name. Both Bright and Mabel were/are old enough to know their name.
We planned to give Bright the name "Brighton." But it never stuck. He was just Bright. So while we did give him a new middle name, we also chose to keep his first name.
With Mabel...well...MABEL! Most people think of little old crotchety ladies when we think of that name (my lady is Jewish, how about yours?). The name is endearing to me because of a show I used to watch where they named their baby Mabel because "Mothers Always Bring Extra Love." Still...Taevy, Samren, Bright, and.... Mabel! It doesn't really "fit" with our family. If it were only my decision I would at least keep Mabel as a middle name. But of course this is a partnership venture!
So Mabel's name will be Kendi Mae Anadane Gillispie. Kendi is a Swahili name that we have loved for years and means "The loved one." Mae will be short for Mabel, which means "My beautiful one." Anadane is Mabel's last name and her father's first name. We don't have a meaning.
One of the things we didn't do with Bright was call him by his new name (Brighton) until very late in the process. By that time Bright was just Bright! And when it came down to it we could never make his chosen name stick.
I feel conflicted about what to call Mabel right now, and on this blog. I've met her and I love her as Mabel. But I know we will give her a first new name. And by "claiming" her in word as well as deed, by calling her her new name, it seems to me that we are putting ourselves "all in" for this adoption. Mabel is a child in Ghana. Kendi is a child who will join our family.
Please forgive me if we're making a decision that makes you feel uncomfortable. I know other families have done that to me before--when I thought they were taking away a BEAUTIFUL name from a child and replacing it without thought. I can promise that we aren't replacing Mabel's name without thought.
I will probably start trying to call her Kendi Mae on this blog, and in my every day life. In some circles she will be Mabel until she comes home. But this is my spot to be completely me--my friends and family.
So, that's that! =-)
P.S. Eric cane up with her name. That is so special to me. He chose her name on my birthday, even before he had decided whether or not to adopt her. I have always come up with the name for our other children.
At the same time, it has always been important for us to keep a portion of our child's original name. This is all very easy when adopting infants, but gets more complicated when adopting a child who is used to hearing their name and knows their name. Both Bright and Mabel were/are old enough to know their name.
We planned to give Bright the name "Brighton." But it never stuck. He was just Bright. So while we did give him a new middle name, we also chose to keep his first name.
With Mabel...well...MABEL! Most people think of little old crotchety ladies when we think of that name (my lady is Jewish, how about yours?). The name is endearing to me because of a show I used to watch where they named their baby Mabel because "Mothers Always Bring Extra Love." Still...Taevy, Samren, Bright, and.... Mabel! It doesn't really "fit" with our family. If it were only my decision I would at least keep Mabel as a middle name. But of course this is a partnership venture!
So Mabel's name will be Kendi Mae Anadane Gillispie. Kendi is a Swahili name that we have loved for years and means "The loved one." Mae will be short for Mabel, which means "My beautiful one." Anadane is Mabel's last name and her father's first name. We don't have a meaning.
One of the things we didn't do with Bright was call him by his new name (Brighton) until very late in the process. By that time Bright was just Bright! And when it came down to it we could never make his chosen name stick.
I feel conflicted about what to call Mabel right now, and on this blog. I've met her and I love her as Mabel. But I know we will give her a first new name. And by "claiming" her in word as well as deed, by calling her her new name, it seems to me that we are putting ourselves "all in" for this adoption. Mabel is a child in Ghana. Kendi is a child who will join our family.
Please forgive me if we're making a decision that makes you feel uncomfortable. I know other families have done that to me before--when I thought they were taking away a BEAUTIFUL name from a child and replacing it without thought. I can promise that we aren't replacing Mabel's name without thought.
I will probably start trying to call her Kendi Mae on this blog, and in my every day life. In some circles she will be Mabel until she comes home. But this is my spot to be completely me--my friends and family.
So, that's that! =-)
P.S. Eric cane up with her name. That is so special to me. He chose her name on my birthday, even before he had decided whether or not to adopt her. I have always come up with the name for our other children.
It hasn't started, but it's started!
Oh, the joys and frustrations of adoption! Nothing has even officially started yet but I'm already frustrated with delays! =-) One of our employees was to go to Mabel's village LAST Thursday. Then it was Friday (nobody showed up at the bus station). He finally did leave on Monday and was expected back on Tuesday night. Nope. It's Friday and he "might" be home tonight. This is how it goes in Ghana all of the time. There's always this delay or that. Something that should take a day takes a few weeks.
I caught myself feeling frustrated (already) this morning and had to laugh about it. How did the paperwork go? Were there any problems? Did the family change their mind? Did they get pictures? Yep--I'm just a typical adoptive parent, with the typical lack of control!
I caught myself feeling frustrated (already) this morning and had to laugh about it. How did the paperwork go? Were there any problems? Did the family change their mind? Did they get pictures? Yep--I'm just a typical adoptive parent, with the typical lack of control!
Thursday, February 12, 2009
YES!
Well, it is the "day after" and I'm still not sure the "yes" has sunk in yet. Last night after Eric said yes to adopting Mabel I felt such huge relief in ever corner of my being that my body LITERALLY felt completely exhausted. It was like I had been carrying some weight around for weeks and it was finally lifted. I couldn't keep my eyes open and plopped into bed a little after nine o'clock (super early for me).
Today I feel much the same way but I know I don't have time to feel that way! I've got things to do!! What a happy exhaustion.
It will be weird to adopt through the program I run. I know that there are certain families in my program that are right now wondering if I am going to get special treatment. Well, yes! Kind of. In a way??? I mean, I will have the opportunity to do a quick check on "my" kiddo just about every day when I'm talking to my Ghana staff. That's a perk! I won't have to wait for a phone call from my adoption coordinator when we pass court, or when her passport is done. That's a perk!
Beyond those things, I'm pretty much in it like everybody else. Same fees as everybody else. [Yes, Eric and I will be paying AAI for my own services!] I'll have the same worries about my baby's health and day to day life that everybody else has. We don't get the referral until the homestudy is complete and she is referral ready--just like everybody else.
There is no absolute guarentee we get to adopt her. But there is nobody in the AAI program that is in any way open to adopting an HIV+ child (except for one other family whose child is already identified). So in that way, there is no reason why we should NOT get the referral. Our hearts are out of order (wanting to adopt HER before she's ready and we are ready) but it should all work out fine. If all goes well we should have the official referral within 6 weeks or so.
This blog: I'm keeping this blog private. If you're reading this it's because I consider you a friend and I trust you. There are going to be things written here that I don't necessarily want all AAI famlies to know. I want our adoption to be OUR adoption--not "the AAI lady who is adopting." It is personal and emotion for me just like it is every other family who adopts. Some AAI families "get" that, but some won't. I don't know how it's all going to play out. Maybe there will be some huge benefit to being my own adoption coordinator? Maybe there will be some sort of "special treatment" that I receive? I don't know. I just know that I don't what to create jealousy or strife with my AAI families, so this needs to be seperate.
Today I feel much the same way but I know I don't have time to feel that way! I've got things to do!! What a happy exhaustion.
It will be weird to adopt through the program I run. I know that there are certain families in my program that are right now wondering if I am going to get special treatment. Well, yes! Kind of. In a way??? I mean, I will have the opportunity to do a quick check on "my" kiddo just about every day when I'm talking to my Ghana staff. That's a perk! I won't have to wait for a phone call from my adoption coordinator when we pass court, or when her passport is done. That's a perk!
Beyond those things, I'm pretty much in it like everybody else. Same fees as everybody else. [Yes, Eric and I will be paying AAI for my own services!] I'll have the same worries about my baby's health and day to day life that everybody else has. We don't get the referral until the homestudy is complete and she is referral ready--just like everybody else.
There is no absolute guarentee we get to adopt her. But there is nobody in the AAI program that is in any way open to adopting an HIV+ child (except for one other family whose child is already identified). So in that way, there is no reason why we should NOT get the referral. Our hearts are out of order (wanting to adopt HER before she's ready and we are ready) but it should all work out fine. If all goes well we should have the official referral within 6 weeks or so.
This blog: I'm keeping this blog private. If you're reading this it's because I consider you a friend and I trust you. There are going to be things written here that I don't necessarily want all AAI famlies to know. I want our adoption to be OUR adoption--not "the AAI lady who is adopting." It is personal and emotion for me just like it is every other family who adopts. Some AAI families "get" that, but some won't. I don't know how it's all going to play out. Maybe there will be some huge benefit to being my own adoption coordinator? Maybe there will be some sort of "special treatment" that I receive? I don't know. I just know that I don't what to create jealousy or strife with my AAI families, so this needs to be seperate.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Tick Tock
Why does 24 hours seem so far away? I know it's not, but it seems like an eternity right now. Eric is so sick with a stomach flu and needs me to "give him a day" to come up with an answer about Mabel. I'm sorry, but at this point it's really hard for me to understand how he can still NOT being saying yes. Even half delarious (or however you spell that word) this would be a no brainer for me.
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be a man. I think I could make some adoption-happy woman a good hubby. I'd be all like, "Sure we can adopt honey! We'll just trust the Lord to provide!" And she'd be all like, "Wow honey! You are so unlike the other gal's husbands. They all say no to more kids because it's so expensive. But you don't let yourself get weighed down with all of that financial responsibility crap!"
Okay, not really. If I were a man I'd probably be like Eric--because most men are like Eric. Most guys don't jump on the "more kids" band wagon as easily as us women do. I love my guy. But I'm frustrated with his fears and lack of faith right now. I wish he would just jump and then have a great time falling with me until the Lord catches us.
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be a man. I think I could make some adoption-happy woman a good hubby. I'd be all like, "Sure we can adopt honey! We'll just trust the Lord to provide!" And she'd be all like, "Wow honey! You are so unlike the other gal's husbands. They all say no to more kids because it's so expensive. But you don't let yourself get weighed down with all of that financial responsibility crap!"
Okay, not really. If I were a man I'd probably be like Eric--because most men are like Eric. Most guys don't jump on the "more kids" band wagon as easily as us women do. I love my guy. But I'm frustrated with his fears and lack of faith right now. I wish he would just jump and then have a great time falling with me until the Lord catches us.
The Fleece
Oh. My. Gosh. A foundation just offered to give us a grant for Mabel's adoption!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I didn't know about this foundation. I didn't solicit them. They called a friend of mine today and asked if she knew of a family who could use the grant money. She said our name hit her like a "lightening bolt."
I am beside myself. Could there be a more clear sign from God that we are supposed to adopt Mabel? We asked God to "drop money from the sky" if we were supposed to adopt her. And He has done it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Eric is home sick today (stomach flu) and knows about this. He knows how I feel. I know without a shadow of a doubt that if we didn't walk forward at this point, we would be walking directly and deliberately OUTSIDE of God's will.
I also know it was the RIGHT thing to do to submit when Eric said no last time. I will do that again this time, if he says no. It will be harder though--but I can do it through Christ!
Eric has asked me to let him pray about it again. So I'm waiting. This time I'm waiting for HIM to submit to the Lord, just as I am supposed to submit to him.
I am beside myself. Could there be a more clear sign from God that we are supposed to adopt Mabel? We asked God to "drop money from the sky" if we were supposed to adopt her. And He has done it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Eric is home sick today (stomach flu) and knows about this. He knows how I feel. I know without a shadow of a doubt that if we didn't walk forward at this point, we would be walking directly and deliberately OUTSIDE of God's will.
I also know it was the RIGHT thing to do to submit when Eric said no last time. I will do that again this time, if he says no. It will be harder though--but I can do it through Christ!
Eric has asked me to let him pray about it again. So I'm waiting. This time I'm waiting for HIM to submit to the Lord, just as I am supposed to submit to him.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
I'm breaking the rules!
So, I will be breaking the rules on the blog. The "rules" say you shouldn't give your heart to a child you can't adopt. But I can't help myself. I love her. I realized today that I can let go of Eric saying "yes" to adopting her. It's the part where I am supposed to let go of loving her so much that I can't do. I. Just. Can't.
Until she has another family, I will love her with all of the mommy love that God has given me for her. She will be my heart daughter. I will pray extra prayers of protection around her. And you know what? I might just send her care packages as well!
The only person that might be "punished" for me loving her, is me. I just don't feel like I have any choice other than to love her, and mourn her when I lose her.
I got new pics of her today. She is so beautiful to me. I just want to scoop her up and kiss those lips! Actually, I day dream about doing just that several times a day. She has on my kids' old clothes. The shirt is (I think) a 3t shirt of Taevy's, and the shorts are 18m size shorts that were Bright's. Those were my favorite shorts for Bright. Now...she is cute enough to pull off the tom boy look, but seriously! The girl needs some girly clothes! I think I will have to take care of that when the next family travels.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Pitiful
How pitiful is it that I am checking the AAI Snapfish photo account over and over and over again because a family just got home from Ghana that promised to take some pics of Mabel for me. I can't wait to see new images of her sweet self. Is it wrong to love a child this much that will never be my own?
The Day After
I wouldn't say that God has changed my heart about wanting to adopt Mabel. But I would say he has given me peace about submitting to Eric about it.
Today is a really nice day here in OK. The sun is shining and the temps are warm. It feels "new" today. No big looming questions over what will come next in our lives. I feel a big need to just enjoy my kids and husband--to concentrate on what I do have, rather than what I don't have. And I have a lot.
Eric and I talked this morning about what we can learn from this experience. This was not all for nothing. And you know what? Most of his fears in going forward with Mabel's adoption would have been taken away if we were to adopt through the foster care system. There would be no worries about if he lost his job and couldn't provide insurance for an HIV+ child. The state provides that if the child is adopted through foster care. There would be no cost for the adoption itself. And even any worries about being able to provide for an extra mouth at the table are erased, because almost all children through foster adoption come with monthly subsidies to offset their care cost until they are 18. Some states even provide college tuition for in state universities!
So maybe what we have learned through this is the type of adoption that might be best if/when we decide to adopt again. International adoption is what I know. Foster adoption might be a better "fit." But in the end I guess we'll wait and see what the Lord says "the next time."
Today is a really nice day here in OK. The sun is shining and the temps are warm. It feels "new" today. No big looming questions over what will come next in our lives. I feel a big need to just enjoy my kids and husband--to concentrate on what I do have, rather than what I don't have. And I have a lot.
Eric and I talked this morning about what we can learn from this experience. This was not all for nothing. And you know what? Most of his fears in going forward with Mabel's adoption would have been taken away if we were to adopt through the foster care system. There would be no worries about if he lost his job and couldn't provide insurance for an HIV+ child. The state provides that if the child is adopted through foster care. There would be no cost for the adoption itself. And even any worries about being able to provide for an extra mouth at the table are erased, because almost all children through foster adoption come with monthly subsidies to offset their care cost until they are 18. Some states even provide college tuition for in state universities!
So maybe what we have learned through this is the type of adoption that might be best if/when we decide to adopt again. International adoption is what I know. Foster adoption might be a better "fit." But in the end I guess we'll wait and see what the Lord says "the next time."
Grieving
You know, I thought I did pretty good tonight. There was 1/2 an hour or so when I wasn't into interacting with the family (while I was making dinner). Taevy kept asking why my face was so red (trying to hold back tears). But I eventually began to function better.
I have successfully accepted the earthly benefits to not adopting Mabel. Money won't be as tight. I don't have to scrub our walls of all pencil marks or paint the ones that are beyond hope (in anticipation of a social worker). The backyard can be its wild self until I feel like changing that. There are earthly benefits, to be sure. I just would rather focus on eternal ones.
So even though I thought I had done a good job of letting Mabel go tonight, my dreams would suggest otherwise. I know this sounds mellow-dramatic, but it's kind of like how TV plays a mom who has lost a child through miscarriage or another kind of death. The pitiful mother wakes up in the middle of the night calling out to her child.
I have done that over and over in some form since I went to bed tonight (it's 3:22am right now). Eric has a cough, and every time he coughs I think it's someone calling to me. "She needs you." "Mabel." "She's burning." One time I must have been dreaming simply about caring for her in the night. When Eric coughed I leaned over and said, "It's okay Mae-Mae." (as if she was home and comfy and that was a normal thing.'
I finally got up and came in here to distract myself with the computer. I don't want her to call out to me in my sleep again tonight. It's too hard.
Anita
I have successfully accepted the earthly benefits to not adopting Mabel. Money won't be as tight. I don't have to scrub our walls of all pencil marks or paint the ones that are beyond hope (in anticipation of a social worker). The backyard can be its wild self until I feel like changing that. There are earthly benefits, to be sure. I just would rather focus on eternal ones.
So even though I thought I had done a good job of letting Mabel go tonight, my dreams would suggest otherwise. I know this sounds mellow-dramatic, but it's kind of like how TV plays a mom who has lost a child through miscarriage or another kind of death. The pitiful mother wakes up in the middle of the night calling out to her child.
I have done that over and over in some form since I went to bed tonight (it's 3:22am right now). Eric has a cough, and every time he coughs I think it's someone calling to me. "She needs you." "Mabel." "She's burning." One time I must have been dreaming simply about caring for her in the night. When Eric coughed I leaned over and said, "It's okay Mae-Mae." (as if she was home and comfy and that was a normal thing.'
I finally got up and came in here to distract myself with the computer. I don't want her to call out to me in my sleep again tonight. It's too hard.
Anita
Friday, February 6, 2009
It's a no.
Eric said no to adopting Mabel. It seemed in so many ways that he was leaning towards a yes. I guess I should be comforted by the fact that I truly believe he prayed hard about it. In the end he could not get past the financial "risk" and the thought that he could be orphaning another child if something happened to him.
I promised myself that I would not force him in this. I promised that I would submit to his final answer. It made it easier to submit because I know he really put a lot of thought into it. I love him.
At the same time, I sincerely believe we have missed an opportunity to be blessed by an amazing child. I sincerely believe that the Lord called us to something that we are not following through on. But the Bible is clear (I think) that if there is a division between husband and wife, the wife is to submit. Therefore, if we have missed the boat on this and are outside God's perfect will, it's not "on me." I hate to put it that way, but that's what I believe.
I have to believe that Mabel will not wait long. I have to. I cannot bare the thought of her waiting for months on end at Eban House. If something happens to her, I will feel like we are responsible.
I'm not going to shut down this blog. I feel like that would be shutting down a dream. I believe I have 4 children. I believe one has not come home yet. Maybe that child is a child that will come to me later in life, when Eric is no longer with me. Maybe that child will come sooner (I hope so). I just can't give up on #4.
I promised myself that I would not force him in this. I promised that I would submit to his final answer. It made it easier to submit because I know he really put a lot of thought into it. I love him.
At the same time, I sincerely believe we have missed an opportunity to be blessed by an amazing child. I sincerely believe that the Lord called us to something that we are not following through on. But the Bible is clear (I think) that if there is a division between husband and wife, the wife is to submit. Therefore, if we have missed the boat on this and are outside God's perfect will, it's not "on me." I hate to put it that way, but that's what I believe.
I have to believe that Mabel will not wait long. I have to. I cannot bare the thought of her waiting for months on end at Eban House. If something happens to her, I will feel like we are responsible.
I'm not going to shut down this blog. I feel like that would be shutting down a dream. I believe I have 4 children. I believe one has not come home yet. Maybe that child is a child that will come to me later in life, when Eric is no longer with me. Maybe that child will come sooner (I hope so). I just can't give up on #4.
Mabel's Adoption Expenses
In case you're wondering...
Homestudy Update: $600 or $1400 (depending on whether our previous SW will work with us and charge us update fee instead of new study fee)
USCIS: $830
AAI Agency Fee: $2000
AAI Ghana Fee: $2000 + $5500
Travel:
Mabel’s Ticket: $700
Other Travel: $500 (to visit family in north of country)
*I think that AAI would end up covering the cost of one of my tickets, because they will want me to do work while in country. I have FF miles to cover the cost of the other ticket.
TOTAL: $10,330 or $11,130
So all in all, this would be a very inexpensive international adoption. The tax credit should cover it all. The challenge will be in getting the money up front. We are trying to be creative in how all of this might be able to happen. Grants, and fundraisers, and 401ks, oh my!
Homestudy Update: $600 or $1400 (depending on whether our previous SW will work with us and charge us update fee instead of new study fee)
USCIS: $830
AAI Agency Fee: $2000
AAI Ghana Fee: $2000 + $5500
Travel:
Mabel’s Ticket: $700
Other Travel: $500 (to visit family in north of country)
*I think that AAI would end up covering the cost of one of my tickets, because they will want me to do work while in country. I have FF miles to cover the cost of the other ticket.
TOTAL: $10,330 or $11,130
So all in all, this would be a very inexpensive international adoption. The tax credit should cover it all. The challenge will be in getting the money up front. We are trying to be creative in how all of this might be able to happen. Grants, and fundraisers, and 401ks, oh my!
Silent Partner
So, something has happened. Someone who has always been supportive of our efforts to build a family has stepped forward and offered a great sacrifice. She has offered to "front" the money needed for our homestudy! In 6-8 weeks, because of our expected tax return, Eric and I should have the money needed to start the process (homestudy and USCIS). That is wonderful, but frustrating at the same time. If money were not the issue, we would be able to start the process soon, and hopefully be almost done with a homestudy in 6-8 weeks. That makes a big difference for Mabel, and a big difference in the overall timeline of the process.
So thank you, you know who you are. Regardless of whether we are able to go forward to adopt Mabel and accept your gracious offer, it is your SUPPORT that means the world to me. That you trust us to do what is right for our family, means a ton. I love you.
Anita
So thank you, you know who you are. Regardless of whether we are able to go forward to adopt Mabel and accept your gracious offer, it is your SUPPORT that means the world to me. That you trust us to do what is right for our family, means a ton. I love you.
Anita
So what's the problem?
Maybe deciding to have another child is easy for some families. It isn't for ours. It never has been, since Taevy. With each additional child we have to go through a series of very involved questions. And it seems that with each additional child, the answers get harder to find.
We have three kids. We don't NEED another child to feel fulfilled. We have a wonderful family. But do we WANT another child? The answer for me is yes. I don't know for sure if Mabel is our #4, but I know I want a #4. I know there is room in the car and at the table and in my heart for #4.
For Eric, the question is more difficult. He's not sure whether he wants a 4th child right now. He's not sure if he ever wants a 4th child. But more than that, he feels like he might not be "good enough" for another child. He questions if he would have enough time and energy. He questions whether he is a good enough dad to have four kids. If you know him, you know this is an unfounded fear. He is a fabulous daddy. Our kids adore him. No good parent ever feels like they have given their child enough. So for Eric the question is not about whether he wants a 4th child, as much as it is a question of whether or not he feels that the fourth child would be in some way disadvantaged to be put into our family.
Another part of the problem is (of course) money. Even though I knew eventually I would want a #4, I didn't think it would be NOW. I didn't expect to have a child on my heart NOW. There is no money saved in the bank for a 4th child--no nest egg for the future.
I thought some of this could be offset by an adoption benefit given by my employer (an adoption agency). But no. They give no fee reduction for employees. As wrong as that is, it's what we have to deal with.
Eric and I both agree that we cannot and should not go into revolving debt in order to adopt Mabel. We are rock solid in agreement on that. We believe that grants would come for some of the fees. We know that we could come up with some by saving every month as well. The problem, not just with this adoption but with most, is having the money to go forward UP FRONT. There are lots of resources to "pay you back" money you've spent. But there are a lot fewer resources to give you the money up front and then let you pay it back with the adoption tax credit (or through other means).
It's scary to step off a cliff and not know for sure whether someone will be there to catch your fall. Even for me--and I am pretty big on faith. For Eric--who is pretty big on facts and figures--it is even scarier.
So that's the problem. First--deciding we do want to adopt #4. Second--deciding we want to give that #4 spot to Mabel. Third--coming up with the money to go forward.
We have three kids. We don't NEED another child to feel fulfilled. We have a wonderful family. But do we WANT another child? The answer for me is yes. I don't know for sure if Mabel is our #4, but I know I want a #4. I know there is room in the car and at the table and in my heart for #4.
For Eric, the question is more difficult. He's not sure whether he wants a 4th child right now. He's not sure if he ever wants a 4th child. But more than that, he feels like he might not be "good enough" for another child. He questions if he would have enough time and energy. He questions whether he is a good enough dad to have four kids. If you know him, you know this is an unfounded fear. He is a fabulous daddy. Our kids adore him. No good parent ever feels like they have given their child enough. So for Eric the question is not about whether he wants a 4th child, as much as it is a question of whether or not he feels that the fourth child would be in some way disadvantaged to be put into our family.
Another part of the problem is (of course) money. Even though I knew eventually I would want a #4, I didn't think it would be NOW. I didn't expect to have a child on my heart NOW. There is no money saved in the bank for a 4th child--no nest egg for the future.
I thought some of this could be offset by an adoption benefit given by my employer (an adoption agency). But no. They give no fee reduction for employees. As wrong as that is, it's what we have to deal with.
Eric and I both agree that we cannot and should not go into revolving debt in order to adopt Mabel. We are rock solid in agreement on that. We believe that grants would come for some of the fees. We know that we could come up with some by saving every month as well. The problem, not just with this adoption but with most, is having the money to go forward UP FRONT. There are lots of resources to "pay you back" money you've spent. But there are a lot fewer resources to give you the money up front and then let you pay it back with the adoption tax credit (or through other means).
It's scary to step off a cliff and not know for sure whether someone will be there to catch your fall. Even for me--and I am pretty big on faith. For Eric--who is pretty big on facts and figures--it is even scarier.
So that's the problem. First--deciding we do want to adopt #4. Second--deciding we want to give that #4 spot to Mabel. Third--coming up with the money to go forward.
Who is she?
She is in Ghana. She is 20 months old (yesterday). She weighs about 15 pounds. She is getting over some pretty significant malnutrition. She is from the north of the country. She is HIV+. Her name is Mabel. I'll call her Mabel...or #4....or Kendi (if we decide to actually adopt her)...or maybe just "daughter."
I knew from the first moment I saw Mabel in a picture she was special to me. All of the kids I advocate for are special, but she was extra special. Extra cute. Extra deserving. Extra...everything. It made me scared. The last time I felt like that was when I saw Samren's photo when he was waiting in Vietnam. I couldn't "shake" him out of my mind, no matter how hard I tried. It was the same with Mabel, although I did try to put her out of my mind.
When I went to Ghana I didn't know what to expect. Would I have the same connection with her in person that I did through a photograph? Maybe I was just in love with a cute photo. It happens. But no. Once I met her in person her photos paled in comparison. Her photos show a cute little girl, but Mabel is so much more than that. She is spunky, and determined. She is sweet and fiery. She is like chocolate spiced with hot peppers!
I wrote to Eric and told him that I loved her. I asked him to please pray about whether we could adopt her. And then two days later, I wrote to him and told him never mind--I didn't think she was supposed to be ours after all. You see...Eric and I are in a really good place right now. Not just in love, but FEELING the love! Just a really good place. Our adoption of Bright brought stress on our marriage. I was more into that process than he was. I promised myself that I would never again put Eric in the position of feeling forced to adopt. Don't get me wrong--he agreed to adopt Bright. But there were times during that very difficult process that he may have given up the fight. I wouldn't let us. Right or wrong, I wouldn't let us give up. Bright came home...we healed...and are good now.
A few days after I acted in FEAR and told Eric she wasn't supposed to be ours, I back-tracked. I wrote him again and told him it was my fear of causing stress between us that caused me to say she wasn't supposed to be ours. But in my heart of hearts, I knew she could be a wonderful daughter for us. Poor Eric! I don't know how he keeps up with me sometimes.
So. Who is Mabel? She's our "maybe baby." She's the daughter of my heart, that may never come to my home. She's wonderfully and perfectly made by God.
Anita
I knew from the first moment I saw Mabel in a picture she was special to me. All of the kids I advocate for are special, but she was extra special. Extra cute. Extra deserving. Extra...everything. It made me scared. The last time I felt like that was when I saw Samren's photo when he was waiting in Vietnam. I couldn't "shake" him out of my mind, no matter how hard I tried. It was the same with Mabel, although I did try to put her out of my mind.
When I went to Ghana I didn't know what to expect. Would I have the same connection with her in person that I did through a photograph? Maybe I was just in love with a cute photo. It happens. But no. Once I met her in person her photos paled in comparison. Her photos show a cute little girl, but Mabel is so much more than that. She is spunky, and determined. She is sweet and fiery. She is like chocolate spiced with hot peppers!
I wrote to Eric and told him that I loved her. I asked him to please pray about whether we could adopt her. And then two days later, I wrote to him and told him never mind--I didn't think she was supposed to be ours after all. You see...Eric and I are in a really good place right now. Not just in love, but FEELING the love! Just a really good place. Our adoption of Bright brought stress on our marriage. I was more into that process than he was. I promised myself that I would never again put Eric in the position of feeling forced to adopt. Don't get me wrong--he agreed to adopt Bright. But there were times during that very difficult process that he may have given up the fight. I wouldn't let us. Right or wrong, I wouldn't let us give up. Bright came home...we healed...and are good now.
A few days after I acted in FEAR and told Eric she wasn't supposed to be ours, I back-tracked. I wrote him again and told him it was my fear of causing stress between us that caused me to say she wasn't supposed to be ours. But in my heart of hearts, I knew she could be a wonderful daughter for us. Poor Eric! I don't know how he keeps up with me sometimes.
So. Who is Mabel? She's our "maybe baby." She's the daughter of my heart, that may never come to my home. She's wonderfully and perfectly made by God.
Anita
She is here in my heart.
#4 has revealed herself. I didn't know if she ever would. I didn't know when, or where, or how she might come to be. But I think the Lord has revealed her to me.
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