It's a no.

Eric said no to adopting Mabel. It seemed in so many ways that he was leaning towards a yes. I guess I should be comforted by the fact that I truly believe he prayed hard about it. In the end he could not get past the financial "risk" and the thought that he could be orphaning another child if something happened to him.

I promised myself that I would not force him in this. I promised that I would submit to his final answer. It made it easier to submit because I know he really put a lot of thought into it. I love him.

At the same time, I sincerely believe we have missed an opportunity to be blessed by an amazing child. I sincerely believe that the Lord called us to something that we are not following through on. But the Bible is clear (I think) that if there is a division between husband and wife, the wife is to submit. Therefore, if we have missed the boat on this and are outside God's perfect will, it's not "on me." I hate to put it that way, but that's what I believe.

I have to believe that Mabel will not wait long. I have to. I cannot bare the thought of her waiting for months on end at Eban House. If something happens to her, I will feel like we are responsible.

I'm not going to shut down this blog. I feel like that would be shutting down a dream. I believe I have 4 children. I believe one has not come home yet. Maybe that child is a child that will come to me later in life, when Eric is no longer with me. Maybe that child will come sooner (I hope so). I just can't give up on #4.