Disclosure

I bet this post is not going to be about what you think it is going to be about. One of the biggest struggles most people have in adopting an HIV+ child is whether or not to disclose. Eric and I are in complete agreement in that arena--for another post. But what I'm finding more difficult than HIV disclosure is #4 disclosure! Seriously friends. People are having a hard time excepting that we are going to have a fourth child than they are with the fact that the fourth child happens to be HIV+.

We were supposed to get together we Eric's family today (for my b-day) but Taevy has the stomach flu and it was canceled. We had planned to make our adoption announcement today, and disclose Kendi Mae's HIV status (just Eric's parents and sister/bil). Since the get-together was canceled, we decided to call Eric's sis and give her the news.

First, it's kind of stupid to try to give adoption news when you post it on your (public) blog and they see it! So they knew. But they didn't know any details, nor did they call to congratulate, or even to talk to us about it. Red flag #1. Eric's sister had a very luke warm response to the news that we were adopting again.

She actually said, "You can't even take care of the ones you have and now. How are you going to pay for another one?!" Ouch. First of all, our children are very well cared for. We may not meet the world's standards in the "thing" category. Our kids don't have a DS. Our kids don't have tons of outside activities. We take joy in buying things second-hand. We don't get to go on Disnleyworld vacations every year. And Eric and I are fine with that. We have all of our needs, and some of our wants. That is pretty darn good when you look at the rest of the struggling world. We are blessed!

My sister in law continued by digging into whether we were going into debt for this adoption, how we were going to pay for it, had we thought about if we could care for her after she got home, etc.. Hello? Is this your business? Those questions have all been thought about an answered in ways that Eric and I feel comfortable with. That's all she needs to know.

I expected folks not to support us this adoption. But I expected it to be more about the HIV than the fact that we were bringing a fourth child home. Wrong--at least so far.

It kind of sucks. The only people TRULY excited for us are folks at our church, and folks within the adoption community. In those communities kids are actually a blessing and four isn't too many! Heck--within the adoption community 4 kids is still a pretty small family!

All of the luke warm responses are good for me to get used to though. I've got to get used to the fact that nobody is going to want to give us a shower. That's pretty typical once you get to 4 kids. Nobody is going to be as giddy and excited as we are. I've got to toughen up I guess. Obviously I wasn't meant to take an "easy" path in life. If I wanted it easy I wouldn't be married to who I'm married to, and I wouldn't have any of my kids. Yep. Hard is good. Hard is what I know. =-)

Anita