Who is she?

She is in Ghana. She is 20 months old (yesterday). She weighs about 15 pounds. She is getting over some pretty significant malnutrition. She is from the north of the country. She is HIV+. Her name is Mabel. I'll call her Mabel...or #4....or Kendi (if we decide to actually adopt her)...or maybe just "daughter."

I knew from the first moment I saw Mabel in a picture she was special to me. All of the kids I advocate for are special, but she was extra special. Extra cute. Extra deserving. Extra...everything. It made me scared. The last time I felt like that was when I saw Samren's photo when he was waiting in Vietnam. I couldn't "shake" him out of my mind, no matter how hard I tried. It was the same with Mabel, although I did try to put her out of my mind.

When I went to Ghana I didn't know what to expect. Would I have the same connection with her in person that I did through a photograph? Maybe I was just in love with a cute photo. It happens. But no. Once I met her in person her photos paled in comparison. Her photos show a cute little girl, but Mabel is so much more than that. She is spunky, and determined. She is sweet and fiery. She is like chocolate spiced with hot peppers!

I wrote to Eric and told him that I loved her. I asked him to please pray about whether we could adopt her. And then two days later, I wrote to him and told him never mind--I didn't think she was supposed to be ours after all. You see...Eric and I are in a really good place right now. Not just in love, but FEELING the love! Just a really good place. Our adoption of Bright brought stress on our marriage. I was more into that process than he was. I promised myself that I would never again put Eric in the position of feeling forced to adopt. Don't get me wrong--he agreed to adopt Bright. But there were times during that very difficult process that he may have given up the fight. I wouldn't let us. Right or wrong, I wouldn't let us give up. Bright came home...we healed...and are good now.

A few days after I acted in FEAR and told Eric she wasn't supposed to be ours, I back-tracked. I wrote him again and told him it was my fear of causing stress between us that caused me to say she wasn't supposed to be ours. But in my heart of hearts, I knew she could be a wonderful daughter for us. Poor Eric! I don't know how he keeps up with me sometimes.

So. Who is Mabel? She's our "maybe baby." She's the daughter of my heart, that may never come to my home. She's wonderfully and perfectly made by God.

Anita