YES!

Well, it is the "day after" and I'm still not sure the "yes" has sunk in yet. Last night after Eric said yes to adopting Mabel I felt such huge relief in ever corner of my being that my body LITERALLY felt completely exhausted. It was like I had been carrying some weight around for weeks and it was finally lifted. I couldn't keep my eyes open and plopped into bed a little after nine o'clock (super early for me).

Today I feel much the same way but I know I don't have time to feel that way! I've got things to do!! What a happy exhaustion.

It will be weird to adopt through the program I run. I know that there are certain families in my program that are right now wondering if I am going to get special treatment. Well, yes! Kind of. In a way??? I mean, I will have the opportunity to do a quick check on "my" kiddo just about every day when I'm talking to my Ghana staff. That's a perk! I won't have to wait for a phone call from my adoption coordinator when we pass court, or when her passport is done. That's a perk!

Beyond those things, I'm pretty much in it like everybody else. Same fees as everybody else. [Yes, Eric and I will be paying AAI for my own services!] I'll have the same worries about my baby's health and day to day life that everybody else has. We don't get the referral until the homestudy is complete and she is referral ready--just like everybody else.

There is no absolute guarentee we get to adopt her. But there is nobody in the AAI program that is in any way open to adopting an HIV+ child (except for one other family whose child is already identified). So in that way, there is no reason why we should NOT get the referral. Our hearts are out of order (wanting to adopt HER before she's ready and we are ready) but it should all work out fine. If all goes well we should have the official referral within 6 weeks or so.

This blog: I'm keeping this blog private. If you're reading this it's because I consider you a friend and I trust you. There are going to be things written here that I don't necessarily want all AAI famlies to know. I want our adoption to be OUR adoption--not "the AAI lady who is adopting." It is personal and emotion for me just like it is every other family who adopts. Some AAI families "get" that, but some won't. I don't know how it's all going to play out. Maybe there will be some huge benefit to being my own adoption coordinator? Maybe there will be some sort of "special treatment" that I receive? I don't know. I just know that I don't what to create jealousy or strife with my AAI families, so this needs to be seperate.